Category: Estate Planning

Personal items accumulated over our lifetimes may be left in estate planning limbo when we pass away. You may have kept many personal effects and everyday items more for sentimental reasons than for financial value, such as your clothing, jewelry, books, quilts, collectibles, and religious items.

Each item we leave behind tells part of the story of who we were and what we valued, a subtle sign of meaning that, after we pass, serves as a powerful reminder of person, place, and purpose.

While your estate plan may describe in detail who will receive big-ticket items, your loved ones may argue over small nostalgic items that you unintentionally omitted. To prevent family strife and forestall bickering among your loved ones, you also need to think in a big-picture way about the little things in your estate.

Small Items Can Cause Outsized Conflicts

The fate of your home and vacation property is likely to be outlined in your estate plan. You have probably selected beneficiaries for your retirement account and life insurance policies; chosen a future owner for your valuable collection of first-edition books; divided up your business interests; and planned for your digital assets.

Your estate plan checks all the major boxes. But is there a check mark next to those sentimental items?

Many people assume—wrongly, it turns out—that money is the top issue that triggers fights among heirs. In fact, personal items are five times more likely than money to create family conflict, according to a study from Allianz Life Insurance that examined inheritance and legacy issues.¹

Families may go to court over something as seemingly insignificant as a handwritten recipe book or a piece of art.² In some cases, people end up inheriting enough financial assets to replace the disputed sentimental item many times over, yet spend exorbitant sums fighting over the original item for sentimental reasons.

In 2014, comedian and actor Robin Williams left behind an estate valued at around $100 million.³ Following his death, his three children and widow entered a bitter feud over Williams’ personal items, including family photographs, clothing, and a bicycle.⁴

On their own, these items may not have much financial value, yet small personal belongings can still cause the most contention because they often represent the greatest emotional tie to the deceased.

How to Avoid Family Fights Over Small Personal Effects

Estate planning attorneys can cite example after example of such conflicts happening with their clients, regardless of their wealth. With emotions running high after a loved one’s death, grieving loved ones may be willing to pay any price, financial or otherwise, to obtain sentimental items.

Take Time to Pause and Reflect After a Loved One’s Death

For anyone caught up in a family dispute (or attempting to avoid one) about the fate of a favorite wristwatch, sewing kit, or piece of artwork, it is okay to pause before distributing personal items.

As long as there is no rush to clear out the house for sale or for someone else to move in, items can generally remain where they are. Think of it as a museum with everything left as it was at the time of your loved one’s passing.

Depending on the instructions left in the estate plan, one option is for loved ones to walk around the “museum” and, as they reminisce, identify items they would like to keep and box everything up. If all the heirs are unable to meet in person for this exercise due to distance or scheduling constraints, the executor could host a virtual meeting to bring everyone together and keep them on the same page.

Start the Process During Your Lifetime

This process can be a conversation starter, but ideally, the conversation starts during the owner’s lifetime, when heads are cooler and emotions are less intense.

Start with a simple direct question for your loved ones: Is there anything of mine that you want?

There may also be items of special importance to you that youwant passed down in particular ways. Ensure that these things are also part of the conversation.

Create an Inventory

The person(s) responsible for winding up the decedent’s affairs will create an inventory of most assets, but there is no reason it cannot be done during the owner’s life.

Inventorying could be part of “Swedish death cleaning”⁵ or a similar predeath decluttering ritual. Everything that does not get thrown out or donated while you are alive can be added to the list, simplifying the inventory for heirs and removing some of the guesswork.

In fact, the best time to create an inventory may be now, while you are alive. Waiting until later means that the executor or personal representative and family members will be responsible for inventorying, a process that could be unclear and contentious.

After your death, the inventory can be updated to reflect the distribution plan for specific assets. For example, items could be designated in a spreadsheet as “donate,” “throw away,” or “Aunt Cathy claimed.” The real harm could come from what does not make it onto the list and falls into a gray area.

Choose Someone to Manage Distribution

Having one person oversee inventorying and distribution is another way to simplify what could otherwise be a complex, messy, conflict-prone situation—and still could be, despite efforts to avoid it.

Usually, the executor is responsible for the inventory and distribution of assets, but other solutions are possible. Depending on family dynamics, a separate “master of ceremonies” could be a better fit for this role. Consider somebody with a level head, a sense of fairness, and a degree of separation from any family rifts.

Once again, this process does not have to wait until after your death. It could be you (the original owner) who oversees a creative solution to the keepsake conundrum.

Make It a Game

It may take months or years for your loved ones to get over the immediate emotional sting of your passing. But there are ways to make the division process a more positive experience for all involved—yourself included. Consider implementing strategies to divide assets during your lifetime so you can witness the recipients’ enjoyment, or else specify procedures for dividing sentimental assets after your death.

• Round-robin or turn-based selection process. Have heirs take turns selecting items one by one to help level the “who gets what” playing field and avoid first-come, first-served chaos.
• Shared digital or photobook keepsakes. Scan old photos, letters, recipe cards, greeting cards, or documents, and compile them into shared digital albums or printed memory books. That way, everyone gets access to the memories, not just the person with the original.
• Family “auction” using tokens or play money. Give each family member an equal amount of fake money or tokens to “bid” on the items they care about most. This method turns what could be an emotionally charged process into a structured and even lighthearted activity.
• Use colored stickers or tags to express interest. Have each heir pick a different color sticker or tag, then let everyone mark items they would like. Items with only one sticker will go to that person; items with multiple claims go to a separate discussion, negotiation, or another selection round.
• Rotation or “time-share” of heirlooms and high-sentiment items. For items that multiple people value (e.g., holiday dishes, heirloom decorations, seasonal heirlooms), consider rotating who keeps them each year, sharing the memories across the family.

Write a Personal Property Memorandum

Conflicts over items from the residuary, or residual, estate typically arise due to a lack of planning. “Residual” is an appropriate term here because it can create a sticky, hard-to-remove situation when beneficiaries are not clearly linked to specific items.

An inventory, no matter how thorough, or a game, no matter how fun, may not carry the legal weight of a formal personal property memorandum. And that can cause every other effort to distribute personal items, no matter how thoughtful, to fall short.

A personal property memorandum is a simple document that works alongside your will and lets you specify who should receive certain personal belongings, but it is subject to different rules in different states. In many states, when your will references it, the memorandum is usually recognized as a legally binding guide. Because it is separate from the will, you can update it as often as needed without revising your entire estate plan.

This memorandum works hand in hand with your will’s residuary clause, which directs where everything else goes after specific gifts have been handled.

If no memorandum exists, the residuary clause controls the distribution of all personal effects, including sentimental items. In some families, that works fine; in others, it leaves too much up to chance.

Avoid Vague Language

By creating a personal property memorandum or by being intentional about how your residuary clause is drafted, you can give your loved ones unambiguous written guidance governing sentimental items.

Memoranda and similar clauses, if added to an estate plan, should clearly delineate specific valuable items, especially in blended families or already conflicted families, to avoid costly disputes over sentimental or valuable personal property.

Plan Now to Avoid Pain Later

It is not always obvious which items hold the most personal importance to someone. The cheapest tchotchke could send us—or a loved one—down memory lane.

It is your stuff and ultimately your responsibility to decide its fate. That responsibility can be handed off and delayed, possibly at great cost to your family and legacy. Take steps now to save your heirs heartache later. Start inventorying and planning today.

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1. The Allianz American Legacies Pulse Survey at p. 8, Allianzlife, https://www.allianzlife.com/-/media/files/allianz/documents/ent_1371_n.pdf. ↩︎
2. Travis Campbell, “8 Family Heirlooms That Sparked Legal Battles Across Generations,” AOL (Jul. 30, 2025), https://www.aol.com/lifestyle/8-family-heirlooms-sparked-legal-143036679.html; see also How to Spare Your Heirs a Battle Over Your Estate, Consumer Reports (April 2014), https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2014/04/avoid-family-estate-battle-after-you-die/index.htm. ↩︎
3. Joy Reid, Robin Williams’ Widow and Children Agree to Settlement of His Estate, VanityFair (Oct. 3, 2015), https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2015/10/robin-williams-widow-children-settlement. ↩︎
4. Id. ↩︎
5. Mariah Thomas, What Is Swedish Death Cleaning? How the Method Can Help You Declutter, GoodHousekeeping (May 10, 2023), https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/organizing/a43826147/swedish-death-cleaning. ↩︎

Receiving news that you need major surgery is never easy. Preparing for work absences, planning for childcare and household responsibilities, and understanding the procedure itself and your recovery timeline may be among the things you are worried about. If you have only a short time (weeks or days) to react, focusing on the essentials is key. Reviewing your estate plan is among those crucial to-do items. Make the best use of your time by considering the following urgent steps.

Who to Call and What to Update

Your Estate Planning Attorney

After notifying loved ones of your impending surgery, your first call to a professional should be to your estate planning attorney. Time is of the essence, and your attorney can quickly triage the documents that provide the most immediate protection for you and your family.

• Review existing documents. Ensure that your estate planning documents, such as a will, trust, and powers of attorney, are up to date and accurately reflect your current assets and wishes. Life changes such as marriage, divorce, the addition of new children or grandchildren, or a new home can quickly make old documents irrelevant.
• Update personal representatives and heirs. Confirm that the executor or personal representative named in your will and the trustee named in your trust are still the people you want managing your affairs. Separately, review beneficiary designations on life insurance, retirement plans, and investment accounts, because those designations typically control the transfer (meaning the beneficiary designation can override what your will or trust says).
• Create (or update) a will or trust. Although it may be difficult to set up a trust or complex will in a limited amount of time, your attorney may be able to quickly update the provisions of an existing trust or will. If you have no will or trust, an attorney can usually prepare a straightforward will on an expedited basis to cover your most significant probate assets (accounts and property without a named beneficiary). One advantage of using a trust is the avoidance of probate (the court process of validating a will and distributing assets); even though a will cannot avoid probate, it does allow you to name the person who will be responsible for administering your estate, specify who your beneficiaries will be and how they will inherit, and, if applicable, allow you to nominate a guardian for minor children.

Your Healthcare Power of Attorney

You should also contact your healthcare agent (the person named in your healthcare power of attorney or advance directive) to notify them of your surgery and the timing.

• Review wishes. Take a few minutes to review your wishes with them, especially any updates on end-of-life care, pain management, and specific interventions (e.g., resuscitation, ventilation, feeding tubes, or transfusions), so they can confidently act as your voice if you cannot communicate.
• Confirm availability. Ensure that your agent will be reachable and ready to respond during your surgery and immediate recovery period. It is also wise to confirm that you have named a backup agent in your estate planning documents in case your primary agent is unavailable.
• Execute a new document if needed. If you do not have a healthcare power of attorney in place, now is the time to get one. This document can usually be completed on short notice.

What Documents to Prioritize

At a minimum, you should ensure the following documents are in place. Together, they protect your medical care and financial well-being if you become temporarily incapacitated (unable to manage your affairs) and help ensure that your plan is carried out if something unexpected happens.

• Living will: States your specific wishes regarding life-sustaining medical treatment (e.g., ventilators, feeding tubes) if you are unable to communicate; in some states or situations, a separate physician-signed order (often called POLST or MOLST) may also be needed
• Healthcare power of attorney: Designates a trusted person (your healthcare agent) to make all medical decisions for you if you are unable to
• Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) authorization form: Gives named people, such as your attorney or loved ones, permission to access medical information and speak with your providers; without this document, your medical care team may be prevented from sharing information due to privacy laws
• Financial power of attorney: Authorizes named people to handle finances on your behalf, including paying bills, managing accounts, accessing records, and filing taxes
• Will: Controls the distribution of probate assets at death and allows you to nominate an executor or personal representative and a guardian for minor children
• Trust: If you have a trust in place, ensure that it reflects your current wishes and is funded (i.e., assets are properly titled in the trust’s name), so that it can function as intended

Short on Time?

If time is extremely limited, prioritize the most urgent step: formally naming the key people who can act for you—your healthcare agent, your financial agent, and (if you have minor children) a guardian. Once those roles are filled, communicate your wishes clearly to each person so they are not left guessing in a high-pressure situation.

In addition, draft a thorough list of your assets (belongings, money, and property), their locations, and any identifying information, which will save time and stress if your loved ones need to step in. Your assets include all your financial accounts, insurance policies, property deeds, safety deposit box locations, and passwords.

Do not overlook planning for digital assets, which may include email accounts, social media profiles, or cryptocurrency, all of which are governed by different policies regarding postdeath access. Documenting login information and instructions for your named agent can prove vital.

Finally, ensure that your loved ones have your attorney’s contact information and know where your original signed estate planning documents are physically located.

While estate planning may be the last thing you want to do before major surgery, taking these urgent steps can give you peace of mind. Knowing that you have prepared for any possible outcome and that your loved ones will not be left to guess your intentions during a difficult time is an incredible gift. We are here to assist you in getting your most important documents in order. 

Beyond the practical purpose of transferring assets and reducing taxes, an estate plan reflects love, responsibility, and values. That emotional heaviness may be part of why many families avoid the subject. Pew Research reports that only about 3 in 10 US adults have created a basic estate plan (a will and a living will or advance directive), and most do not have these documents until their 70s.¹

Pew also found that, while most parents age 65 and older have talked to their adult children about end-of-life preferences, a large percentage still have not.

• Thirty-two percent have not discussed medical decision-making.
• Thirty-four percent have not discussed what to do with belongings.
• Fifty-six percent have not discussed future living arrangements.
• Only 20 percent have made burial or funeral plans.

Parents over age 75 are more likely to have had these discussions, but the overall numbers remain low.

The hesitation is not limited to documents; it extends to conversations as well. Financial advisory firm Edward Jones found that more than one-third of Americans do not plan to discuss wealth transfers.² Although it is important that “the talk” happen before “the transfer,” only 27 percent of adults with children have discussed generational wealth.³

A separate 2025 study found that death and estate planning ranked among the most uncomfortable family topics, trailing only sex and relationships, and on par with life regrets and mental health.⁴

Notably, people think about death far more often than they talk about it: Nearly one in five say they think about their own mortality daily, yet only 17 percent have thought about who will inherit their possessions.⁵ Nearly half say that they do not feel that asking about their inheritance is appropriate.⁶

When people articulate reasons for avoiding planning, the reasons are often mundane:

• Unnecessary: They think planning is unnecessary because they do not have enough assets or anyone to leave them to.
• Procrastination: They have put off planning and just have not gotten around to it.
• Lack of knowledge: They have not created a plan because they do not know where to start and are often intimidated by initiating the planning process.
• Cost: They avoid planning because they think it is too expensive and do not fully understand its value.

Surveys show the same themes year after year.⁷

How to Have “the Talk”: Estate Planning Conversation Starters

Procrastination often masks deeper worries: fear of death or losing independence, privacy concerns, or the sense that an estate plan must be perfect.

A practical estate planning attorney may strive to meet people where they are and start small. Psychologists agree that breaking big tasks into smaller pieces helps people break their decision paralysis⁸ and move from avoidance to action.

Here is one approach to begin the conversation with aging parents about their estate plan.

Choose the Right Moment

Estate planning conversations do not usually belong at holiday dinners, large family gatherings, or moments already charged with emotion. Those settings are fertile ground for miscommunication, defensiveness, or someone feeling ambushed.

Choose a calm, private time, such as an unhurried afternoon, a coffee together, or a quiet walk. The more relaxed the environment, the more naturally the topic can unfold instead of feeling forced.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Approach the topic with curiosity instead of conclusions. Instead of saying, “You need a will,” you might try the following:

• “Have you thought about how you would want things handled if you got sick?”
• “What matters most to you as you think about the future?”
• “Are there things you would want us to know, just in case something happens to you?”

Open-ended questions go beyond mere information gathering. They give your parent room to express preferences, fears, or assumptions and reduce the sense that you are pushing an agenda that benefits only yourself.

Explain the Benefits Without Pressure

Most aging parents understand on some level that estate planning matters. What they may not fully appreciate is the relief it can bring them and their loved ones. Try to frame the conversation around the following benefits (rather than obligations):

• thoughtfully transitioning their legacy
• ensuring that their wishes are honored
• reducing stress and potential sibling conflict
• avoiding court delays, guardianship issues, and other legal complications

By dialing down the pressure and reframing estate planning topics, you can avoid unnecessarily scaring them or imposing burdens on them. You are helping them understand that planning is in their best interests and for the good of the family.

Offer to Help (Not Take Over)

Some parents worry that discussing estate planning means surrendering independence or inviting their children into private financial matters. You can ease that concern by positioning yourself as a facilitator instead of a manager.

Try language such as the following:

• “I’m here to support whatever you decide.”
• “If you want, I can help you organize your important documents or schedule an appointment, but everything is ultimately your call.”
• “We can move at your pace.”

Reassure parents that they maintain full agency. You are simply helping them get from intention to action.

Keeping the Conversation Going

“The talk” needs to be an ongoing, evolving dialogue. A parent who resists today may revisit the topic next month, next year, or after something changes.

You can respect boundaries while keeping the door open. However, the estate planning window does not stay open forever. The time to plan is before a crisis hits. When the need for an estate plan arises, it is often too late to start one.

Here are some ways to gently keep the conversation alive.

Respect Their Boundaries (but Leave Room for Later)

People tend to double down when pressed.⁹ If your parents shut the conversation down, pushing harder can often backfire.

Acknowledge their feelings and signal openness: “We do not have to talk about it now. We can start the conversation whenever you are ready.” Simply giving someone permission to step away can lower the emotional temperature enough for them to return to the topic later.

Start Small with a Low-Stakes Topic

Estate planning can feel overwhelming when framed as one big, heavy decision. Breaking the topic into smaller, more manageable pieces can make it less intimidating and help them see planning as a series of simple routine tasks instead of a single life-altering occurrence.

Healthcare wishes are one of the easiest and most familiar entry points for many people. Asking about the basics, such as preferred doctors, hospital choice, emergency contacts, or who should make medical decisions if they cannot, can naturally lead to broader discussions about powers of attorney, living wills, and other planning documents.

Use Relevant Life Events or News as Gentle Openers

Parents may become more receptive to planning after something—a friend’s or relative’s illness, a sudden hospitalization, or a celebrity estate story in the news—brings the issue closer to home.

Simply asking, “Did you see what happened with . . . ?” can put the topic in context and make it feel less personal and less threatening, creating space for productive conversation.

Introduce a Trusted Third Party When the Time Is Right

Some aging parents open up more easily to a neutral professional than to their own children. A family attorney, financial advisor, accountant, or faith leader can provide perspective without the emotional complexity and years of baggage that can cloud parent-child conversations.

You might say, “If you would rather talk to someone outside the family, I can help set up a meeting” or “Would it help to get a neutral opinion?” These prompts can help keep you in a supportive role without making your parent(s) feel judged or pressured.

When Talk Turns to Action: Practical Estate Planning Steps to Take Next

Once you see the seeds you planted with your parents grow into full-fledged estate planning arrangements, you can initiate follow-up actions that keep their plan accessible, actionable, and up to date.

Store Estate Planning Documents in the Right Places

A complete plan is helpful only if it can be found. Ensure that you and your parents know where their original documents (wills, trusts, powers of attorney, healthcare directives) are located and encourage them to store copies in a secure but accessible place.

Build in multiple redundancies to ensure access. A fireproof safe along with cloud storage provides at least two points of access. Storing documents with their attorney, if offered as an option, is a third. Wherever documents are stored, there must be no questions about where to find them and who has access. The goal is to avoid scavenger hunts during a crisis.

Understand Who Has Authority

Estate planning documents should designate people to make decisions if your parents cannot. It is important to understand who these individuals are and what their roles entail.

Such roles include financial agents under a power of attorney, healthcare proxies, successor trustees, and personal representatives named in a will. If you or a sibling has been named, clarity now can prevent confusion later. If someone outside the family has been appointed, it is equally important to understand how to reach them.

Review Key Financial and Legal Contacts

Encourage your parents to create (or update) a list of the following important types of professionals and institutions connected to their plan:

• their estate planning attorney
• a financial advisor or wealth manager
• insurance agents
• a certified public accountant or tax preparer
• bank and investment account contacts
• pension or retirement plan administrators

A simple one-page contact sheet can save time and stress in an emergency and prevent important information from disappearing into old files or forgotten inboxes.

Encourage Periodic Updates

The bulk of the work is done when a plan is created. But estate planning is not a one-and-done task.

Life changes, laws change, relationships evolve, and assets shift. Encourage your parents to review their documents every few years or after major milestones such as a marriage, a divorce, a birth, a death, a move, or a significant financial change. Even small updates such as changing beneficiaries or replacing an outdated healthcare agent can have a major impact on how smoothly the plan works.

Less Talk, More Action

They have watched you grow up. Now it is your turn to help them age confidently, gracefully, and purposefully.

An estate plan does not come together in a day. It is the culmination of a lifetime and can affect many lives, which is all the more reason to turn thoughts into plans and plans into action.

Whether you need a conversation starter or somebody to seal the deal, we are here to help you and your parents.

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1. Luona Lin & Juliana Menasce Horowitz, Experiences with Estate Planning and Discussing End-of-Life Preferences, Pew Rsch. Ctr. (Nov. 6. 2025), https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2025/11/06/experiences-with-estate-planning-and-discussing-end-of-life-preferences. ↩︎
2. The Great Wealth Transfer Starts with the Great Wealth Talk, Edward Jones Research Finds, Edward Jones (Feb. 27, 2024), https://www.edwardjones.com/us-en/why-edward-jones/news-media/press-releases/great-wealth-transfer-research. ↩︎
3. Id. ↩︎
4. Two-Thirds of Americans Have “Planned” Their Funerals, But Majority Avoid Estate Planning Conversations, StudyFinds (Sept. 23, 2025), https://studyfinds.org/americans-planned-funerals-avoid-estate-conversations. ↩︎
5. Id. ↩︎
6. Id. ↩︎
7. Victoria Lurie, 2025 Wills and Estate Planning Study, Caring (Sept. 17, 2025), https://www.caring.com/resources/wills-survey. ↩︎
8. Samantha Stein, The 3 Ps: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis, Psych. Today (Apr. 30, 2024), https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/202404/the-3-ps-perfectionism-procrastination-and-paralysis. ↩︎
9. Glenn Geher, Why Do People Double Down?, Psych. Today (Jan. 22, 2024), https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/202401/why-do-people-double-down. ↩︎

We all have different ways of giving and receiving love, and those preferences can reveal a great deal about us.

You may be the type who expresses love with words, telling people you care about them or crafting carefully worded messages for someone when they need encouragement. Or maybe you prefer physical affection such as hugging and holding hands to show how you feel. Others express love through gifts: flowers, perfectly chosen birthday presents, or a surprise spa day. For many, love dwells in shared moments or in quiet, selfless acts that make someone else’s life easier.

How we express our love for others and how we prefer to have love shown to us is known as our love language, a term popularized in a self-help book from the 1990s. We may speak one love language when we give love and another when we receive it. Depending on our personality, our expressions of love can be far-reaching and obvious or small and subtle.

Estate planning is a love language all of its own that can communicate care not only through gifts of money and property but also through the act of planning for what will eventually happen to us. It is a way of showing love to the people who depend on us by creating clarity and support so that they are not left guessing or scrambling when we are no longer here.

Where the Term Love Language Comes From

The phrase love language entered the cultural lexicon in 1992 with the publication of The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.¹ Chapman’s basic idea is simple: People give and receive love in five distinct ways:

• words of affirmation
• quality time
• physical touch
• acts of service
• gifts

His book came at a time when American culture was starting to encourage more emotional transparency and self-expression. It also overlapped with and helped fuel a broader cultural movement toward approachable psychology for ordinary readers, later seen in works such as Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.²

The Estate Planning Paradox: Some Ideas Remain Off-Limits

Over the past three decades, the idea of different love languages has moved far beyond its original relationship-counseling context. It has become shorthand for how we show care, responsibility, and emotional investment in the people who matter most to us—all themes that also fit naturally with estate planning.

However, while self-help, emotional openness, and the love-language framework now seem part of a ubiquitous cultural movement toward emotional fluency, talking about death and estate planning continues to be substantially taboo. Most people still avoid discussing the following topics:

• who will care for them
• how they want to die
• how they want their assets to pass
• family expectations and responsibilities
• long-term care needs
• future burdens placed on their children or partners

Even emotionally fluent individuals and families often avoid end-of-life conversations because they may feel morbid or triggering. A 2025 survey from Pew Research, for example, found that parents and their adult children often avoid talking about topics such as medical decision-making, long-term living arrangements, and future burial plans.³

Another 2025 study revealed that death and estate planning ranked as the second-most-difficult topic to discuss with family.⁴ The same number of respondents (25 percent) rated end-of-life conversations as uncomfortable as discussions about mental health.⁵

We may have become more expressive about our feelings in life but not about what happens after life.

Admitting that you may someday lose your independence clashes with our cultural emphasis on self-determination and autonomy, forcing us to confront a potential loss of control—a situation our culture is uniquely uncomfortable with.

How Each Love Language Shows Up in an Estate Plan

Emotional transparency, it turns out, has its limits. Even though openness is demonstrably higher than it has ever been in our culture, estate planning rates remain frozen in time and, by some measures, are lower than ever.

The irony is that estate planning can communicate care more powerfully than many of the love languages we use each day. Consider how each love language may show up in your estate plan.

Words of Affirmation: Clear, Considerate Communication About Wishes

Estate planning, with its legalese and technical terminology, can seem unapproachable. At the simplest level, though, an estate plan is a set of documents that communicates meaning and intentionality. Words of affirmation result when someone

• talks openly with family members about their values and intentions;
• tries to reduce confusion or hurt by explaining why they made certain decisions; or
• leaves instructions that make loved ones feel respected and remembered.

Estate planning parallel: People want to feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe. Estate planning gives your loved ones the reassurance of knowing exactly what you want and why. It removes ambiguity—the emotional friction that often leads to hurt or conflict—and shows them that they are appreciated and protected.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Letters of intent or ethical wills that express your values, hopes, and motivations
• Explanatory statements in a will or trust that help loved ones understand the why behind your decisions
• Advance directives that clearly communicate your medical preferences

Acts of Service: The Planning Process Itself

It is not a stretch to say that estate planning is an act of service built on performing helpful, thoughtful deeds such as the following:

• handling difficult decisions about your healthcare, incapacity, and end-of-life preferences ahead of time
• protecting vulnerable beneficiaries
• organizing information necessary for estate administration in a simple, followable format

Estate planning parallel: People feel loved when someone reduces their load, especially during moments of stress and uncertainty. A well-designed estate plan quietly shoulders future legal, financial, and emotional burdens so your family does not have to carry them in the hardest moments.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Financial powers of attorney that empower someone to manage your financial affairs
• Healthcare proxies that designate trusted medical decision-makers
• Funeral or disposition instructions that spare your loved ones immediate logistical stress

Gift Giving: The Legacy You Purposefully Design

An estate plan is not merely about money and gifts, but it does involve a strong element of gift giving. In this case, the giver is leaving their most valuable assets and prized possessions to family, friends, and charities, reinforcing relationships and building emotional bonds with tangible items. The love language of gift giving can be seen in

• choosing who receives your most treasured personal items and charitable gifts;
• funding education or setting up long-term support for your children, grandchildren, or other loved ones; and
• ensuring that your assets transfer smoothly through proper titling and designations.

Estate planning parallel: People want to feel remembered and cherished. Planning turns inheritance into meaning and elevates gifts to something more than material transfer. Whether it is money, a family heirloom, or a charitable gift, it communicates “this mattered to me, and so do you.” The way assets pass under a solid estate plan—clearly, legally, and efficiently—is also its own gift.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Specific bequests in a will for sentimental items or family heirlooms
• Charitable gifts or foundations that carry personal meaning
• Life insurance designations crafted to provide financial stability for your loved ones

Quality Time: Planning That Preserves Time, Memory, and Connection

Quality time is about presence and togetherness. Think of moments from your life that have the greatest meaning. They were probably not spent alone; rather, you shared them with others, which is usually why they mean so much. Our time is limited, and how we spend it speaks volumes about what (and whom) we care about. Quality time in an estate plan looks like

• reducing conflict so that your loved ones can grieve and support one another;
• making end-of-life decisions in advance, preventing rushed or painful choices; and
• creating opportunities for future generations to connect (e.g., family trusts with shared purpose).

Estate planning parallel: People want to feel connected and prioritized. A well-organized estate plan gives your loved ones the time and emotional space they need to console, remember, and be together without distraction.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Guardianship designations that provide clarity and protection for children
• Well-structured trusts that minimize disputes and promote harmony
• Probate-avoidance tools (such as beneficiary designations or transfer-on-death arrangements) that simplify administration and free up emotional space

Physical Touch: Security and Protection When You Cannot Physically Be There

Physical contact builds and reinforces emotional bonds. Psychologically, it represents protection, security, and comfort, which most people need to feel loved. When you are physically incapacitated or gone, estate planning can play a deeply symbolic role that reinforces the power of human touch. Even when you are not physically present, estate planning mirrors the love language of physical touch through

• choosing trusted agents who will advocate for you;
• long-term care planning that shields your loved ones from overwhelming caregiving responsibilities; and
• life insurance and other financial protections for the future, which offer a kind of metaphorical embrace.

Estate planning parallel: Planning provides protection at a moment of great vulnerability. Medical directives, care instructions, and trusted decision-makers form a protective boundary around your loved ones, helping them feel safe and grounded and conveying an emotional steadiness they can feel even in your absence.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Medical directives and living wills that ensure that your care aligns with your wishes
• Long-term care instructions that safeguard your loved ones from overwhelming responsibilities
• Trust provisions for disability or incapacity that create a protective framework for ongoing support

Translate Your Love Language into Planning Actions

Dr. Chapman and his work on the five love languages gave us a powerful framework to discuss what can sometimes be hard to put into words. He made emotions more approachable and relationships more manageable in a simplified format that has remained relevant more than 30 years after publication.

Your estate plan can serve the same role by staying relevant long after it is created.

We can help translate the love languages of the people who matter most to you into the language of estate planning with documents that reflect your voice, protect your legacy, and communicate care in a way that your loved ones will feel for years to come.

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1. Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (1992). ↩︎
2. John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (1992). ↩︎
3. Luona Lin & Juliana Menasce Horowitz, Experiences with Estate Planning and Discussing End-of-Life Preferences, Pew Research (Nov. 6, 2025), https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2025/11/06/experiences-with-estate-planning-and-discussing-end-of-life-preferences. ↩︎
4. Two-Thirds of Americans Have ‘Planned’ Their Funerals, But Majority Avoid Estate Planning Conversations, StudyFinds (Sept. 30, 2025), https://studyfinds.org/americans-planned-funerals-avoid-estate-conversations. ↩︎
5. Id. ↩︎

Receiving an inheritance can be a meaningful and transformative experience, but it can also create challenges if not handled thoughtfully. Without a clear plan, an inheritor may struggle to manage newly acquired assets, face creditor or tax issues, or lack the financial experience needed to preserve and grow what was left to them. A well-designed estate plan can help anticipate and mitigate these risks by providing structure, guidance, and protection around inherited wealth. If you have received—or expect to receive—an inheritance, it is essential to create a comprehensive estate plan or update your existing plan to reflect your new circumstances and long-term goals.

An Inheritance Can Shift Your Financial Picture

An inheritance may change the size and makeup of your overall financial picture in a major way, potentially shifting your long-term tax, financial, and estate planning goals. If you inherit rental property, a business interest, or complex investments, your existing estate plan may not address how those assets should be managed and eventually distributed. A sudden increase in wealth could also increase the amount of your taxable estate above the federal estate tax exemption amount, meaning that at your death, your estate may owe estate tax or more tax than it would have without the inheritance. In addition, your inheritance could unintentionally create unequal distributions among your heirs if your estate plan does not account for it.

Ultimately, when you receive an inheritance, it is a good idea to revisit whom you want to benefit from your estate and how you want them to receive their inheritance. For example, your existing plan may already provide for those most important to you, such as children or grandchildren, but you should ensure that the value of what each person receives still aligns with your wishes. With your increase in wealth, you may want to broaden the reach of those you benefit—for instance, by creating or increasing gifts to charity or establishing trusts for other loved ones. Thoughtful provisions in your estate plan can help structure distributions for less experienced beneficiaries and offer greater protection from their creditors, financial missteps, or divorcing spouses.

Preserving Your Family’s Wealth

You may have heard claims that most families lose their wealth within a few generations. Some studies estimate that 70 percent of wealthy families lose their wealth by the second generation, and 90 percent lose it by the third.¹ However, recent research suggests that the picture is more complex: wealth can persist across generations, particularly at the top, but outcomes vary widely depending on family communication, planning, and decision-making processes. Preserving family wealth for the long term requires proactive planning and open conversations. Families often fail to discuss inheritance because money—especially inheritance—can be a taboo topic that touches on emotion, identity, and family dynamics. Older generations may also fear that younger generations will become lazy and entitled if they are made aware of their inheritance too soon, or that their private financial information will be leaked to those who should not have it.

Conversations about inheritance do not have to begin with dollar figures. They can focus first on values and the kind of legacy each generation hopes to leave. Working with a team of trusted professionals to develop shared goals and a proactive plan can help foster an environment of intergenerational trust, understanding, and fairness. This collaboration can be the difference between your collective fortune evaporating within a couple of generations and carrying on an enduring family legacy. Comprehensive estate planning can provide a solid foundation to ensure that assets are managed properly and preserved, rather than dissipated.

Seek Professional Advice

An inheritance can be quickly frittered away, but proper planning can help mitigate this risk. If you have received an inheritance—or expect to receive one in the future—seek out financial and legal advice. Estate plans should evolve as your life does, so revising your plan after receiving an inheritance can help to ensure that your wishes, tax strategy, and family goals remain aligned. Contact us to explore your options for preserving your family’s legacy.

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1. Wade Wallace, CFA, CFP®, RICP®, The Biggest Threats to Multi-Generational Family Wealth, Regency Inv. Advisors (Aug. 1, 2025), https://regencyinvests.com/the-biggest-threats-to-multi-generational-family-wealth. ↩︎

Your parent has made the difficult decision to omit your brother or sister from their estate plan. While this decision will undoubtedly land heavily on your sibling, the decision also places you in a complicated position.

As the child who was not cut out of the estate plan, you may find yourself in an especially delicate spot, particularly if your parent named you as the executor (also called a personal representative) or trustee in their estate plan. You may feel torn between emotionally supporting your sibling as they process this news and honoring your parent’s wishes, which you may also be legally required to uphold.

Balancing empathy, family dynamics, and legal responsibilities is hard under the best circumstances. After a parent’s death, when emotions are raw and long-standing tensions bubble to the surface, disinheritance can create an explosive environment that may force you onto a narrow tightrope between family loyalty and fiduciary responsibility.

One wrong step—an ill-timed comment, a perceived slight, or a poorly phrased text or email—can deepen resentment or even spark litigation. Knowing what you can manage on your own and when it is wiser to bring in a professional is part of the delicate balancing act.

Many Young People Are Counting on an Inheritance

For some, an inheritance feels like a birthright. Many people assume that part of their financial future will come from family wealth, and they may treat it as an anticipated windfall that will eventually provide stability or opportunity. However, the reality of receiving, or not receiving, an inheritance is often far more complicated.

Expectation Gap Between Parents and Children

A 2025 study by Northwestern Mutual found that 20 percent of adult children expect to receive an inheritance,¹ with the average expected amount being nearly $335,000 according to a Choice Mutual survey.² More than half of adults view the expected inheritance as “critical” to their long-term financial security.³ Nearly half of younger adults (ages 18 to 27) rely on financial help from their parents, and many lack savings and delay major life milestones such as homeownership and investing.⁴ Despite these expectations, only 31 percent of Americans say they plan to leave an inheritance.⁵

Of the younger adults who expect an inheritance, most say they would save or invest the money. Others say they plan to use it for housing costs, debt repayment, or support for their own children.⁶ These expectations shape financial behavior in measurable ways:

• One in 6 reports feeling less stress due to an anticipated inheritance.
• One in 12 reports feeling less pressure to earn income now.
• One in 10 reports carrying more debt because they assume that a future inheritance will cover it.⁷

These expectations are not merely wishful thinking. Sixty-one percent say they have either spoken directly with their parents about an expected inheritance or have seen their parents’ will or trust.⁸

What It Means to Legally Disinherit Someone and Why a Child Might Be Disinherited

The shock of disinheritance is magnified when expectations do not match reality and the anticipated inheritance never materializes. Given how many young adults rely on the idea of a future inheritance, being cut out can feel like a financial and emotional double gut punch.

When Expectations Collide with Reality

More than half of young adults surveyed by Choice Mutual believe they will one day be financially responsible for caring for their aging parents.⁹ Many may implicitly view an inheritance as part of the “deal,” or a kind of tradeoff, for that anticipated support.

However, adult children are not legally entitled to an inheritance from their parents. An inheritance is a gift, not a right. Unlike spouses (who, in many states, have statutory rights) or minor children (who are often entitled to financial support until adulthood), adult children generally have no automatic claim to their parents’ estate.

A parent may disinherit an adult child for almost any reason, provided that the decision is voluntary, made with full mental capacity, and formalized with properly executed, legally valid documents.

Common Reasons Parents Disinherit a Child

• Estrangement or long-term conflict
• Concerns about substance abuse or financial irresponsibility
• Perceived fairness due to substantial lifetime gifts
• Blended family dynamics and competing obligations
• Deep moral or value-based disagreements
• A desire to protect assets through trusts for some children but not others

The decision to disinherit a child is often rooted in complex family history and is rarely simple or purely punitive. However, while a parent does not need to provide a specific reason, simply failing to mention the child in an estate plan is generally not enough to disinherit them: A parent must clearly state in their estate plan that a child is being intentionally excluded. Otherwise, the child may later claim that the omission was accidental (a pretermitted heir situation) or may inherit under state intestacy rules if no estate plan exists. 

However, even when every legal requirement has been met, careful planning may do little to protect the sibling(s) left in the middle from the emotional and relational fallout—as well as the potential legal ramifications—that may come afterward.

Emotional, Moral, and (Sometimes) Legal Challenges for Inheriting Siblings

When a parent disinherits a child, the impact is rarely confined to the person who was cut out. It can reshape the entire family dynamic, placing the remaining siblings, particularly those who have been left an inheritance, in a uniquely complicated position.

If you find yourself in this position, you may feel torn between compassion for your sibling and respect for your parent’s autonomy. And if you are a fiduciary (i.e., an executor or trustee), the tension becomes legal as well as emotional. A fiduciary is held to the highest standard of care, meaning that you must act solely in the best legal and financial interest of the estate or trust beneficiaries while faithfully following your parent’s written instructions.

Fiduciaries Versus Nonfiduciaries

• If you are a fiduciary, you are obligated to carry out the estate plan exactly as written even though the decisions may be painful or controversial or risk creating conflict. Your role is to carry out your parent’s written intent, not to interpret or soften it. And in families where a sibling has been disinherited, every email you send, every document you provide, and every distribution you approve may be closely scrutinized.
• Even if you are not specifically acting as a fiduciary, you may still be drawn into an emotional crossfire, blamed for influencing the parent or pressured to mediate long-standing grievances.

As the executor or trustee, you may even be the one who ends up breaking the news to your disinherited sibling. As a sibling, you may also feel pressure to clear the air about your parent’s decision—to offer what little context you have to reassure them that you were not part of the decision or simply to soften the sting where you can.

Transparency Versus Caution

Some families favor transparency. Discussing the disinheritance while the parent is alive can reduce later shock and demonstrate that the decision was voluntary, which may be helpful and admissible evidence if that sibling later decides to contest the estate plan. It is almost always a smart idea for a parent to also notify their appointed executors and trustees ahead of time so that they can prepare for potential issues and understand the parent’s reasoning.

However, early disclosure has real dangers. It can ignite resentment, invite pressure campaigns to change the estate plan, or trigger accusations of undue influence. Where conflict already exists, advance disclosure can escalate the situation long before the estate is ever administered.

Many families choose strategic limited disclosure, ensuring that fiduciaries and professionals know the plan while saving broader explanations for later or documenting them instead.

The Importance of Clear and Updated Estate Planning Documents

Families often avoid discussing disinheritance to prevent conflict during a parent’s lifetime. However, avoiding the conversation can create confusion and give rise to later disputes. As a sibling who remains included in the estate plan, especially if you are named as a fiduciary, your role is to support your parent in creating clear, updated documents and maintaining evidence that demonstrates their intent, capacity, and independent decision-making. This proactive approach helps reduce uncertainty and strengthens the estate against potential challenges by the disinherited sibling.

• Use explicit, unambiguous language. Disinheritance must be clearly stated. Naming the child and documenting the parent’s decision removes any argument that the omission was accidental or the result of a drafting oversight.
• No-contest clauses. A no-contest clause in a will or trust can deter challenges by threatening to reduce or eliminate a beneficiary’s share if they initiate litigation. Such clauses cannot stop a disinherited child from suing, but they make weak claims far riskier. (Note: The enforceability of these clauses varies significantly by state, so they are not a guaranteed defense.)
• Align beneficiary designations. Outdated beneficiary designations on life insurance, retirement accounts, or payable-on-death accounts can completely override an otherwise clear estate plan. For example, if a parent updates their trust to exclude a child but leaves that child listed as the beneficiary on a retirement account, the account will still pass directly to that child. To avoid unintended inheritances, parents should review these designations and ensure that they reflect the same decisions made in their will or trust.
• Letters of intent and personal statements. A brief explanatory letter, although not legally binding, can illustrate that the decision was deliberate and not the product of outside pressure. Courts may consider these tools persuasive when evaluating challenges to an estate plan.
• Contemporaneous records of capacity. Attorney notes, confirmations of intent, and medical evaluations help establish that the parent acted with clear capacity and independence. These records can be critical evidence if the disinherited child later alleges undue influence or that their parent lacked capacity.
• Ethical wills and legacy letters. While not legal tools, ethical wills and legacy letters can preserve the parent’s voice, values, and affection, helping the surviving children process the emotional impact even when the distributions are unequal.

Above all, keeping the plan current is paramount.Outdated documents often create accidental rights or revive old ones, which can open the door to contests. Regular updates are recommended every three to five years or sooner if a major life event such as divorce, estrangement, reconciliation, the birth of grandchildren, or remarriage occurs.

Alternatives to Disinheritance

Disinheritance is not a binary choice. Estate planning offers ways to protect assets, express values, and set boundaries without completely severing ties.

• Conditional or incentive trusts. Rather than leaving assets outright to children, parents can place a child’s inheritance in a trust with specific conditions. Distributions might depend on the child meeting milestones such as reaching a certain age, maintaining sobriety, holding steady employment, or completing their education.
• Lifetime gifts or gradual transfers. A parent may prefer to provide modest financial support during life (e.g., helping with rent or medical bills) while directing the bulk of an inheritance elsewhere.
• Partial or restricted bequests. Instead of complete exclusion, parents might allocate a smaller share to the child through a restricted trust or professional trustee arrangement, helping to maintain a sense of fairness among siblings while protecting assets from mismanagement, creditors, or poor spending choices.
• Gifting to grandchildren or other heirs. Another way to preserve a family legacy is to skip a generation and leave assets directly to grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or other relatives instead of the disinherited child. This way, family wealth can support younger generations and also respect the parent’s decision to limit direct inheritance to a particular child.
• Charitable giving in lieu of full inheritance. Parents guided by specific causes or values can direct part of the estate to charitable organizations to create a lasting impact, but they may want to communicate to their loved ones the why behind the decision. Adding a personal letter or statement of intent can help surviving family members understand that this choice reflects deeply held beliefs, not retribution.

Ultimately, your role as an inheriting sibling is not to decide what your parent wants but to help ensure that whatever they decide is legally sound, voluntary, and clearly documented. That could entail nudging them toward an estate planning attorney, encouraging objective evaluations (such as capacity assessments), or helping them build a paper trail that demonstrates their independence. It may also mean discussing whether you should serve as executor or trustee at all; in many families, appointing a neutral professional or corporate fiduciary can reduce conflict and spare siblings from being placed in an impossible role.

You may be unable to avoid getting caught in the middle. However, you can help everyone affected by a disinheritance decision by seeking legal guidance that protects intentions, assets, and feelings—and by ensuring that the administration is handled in the way least likely to further fracture the family.

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1. Intentions Rise, Expectations Fall: The Number of Americans Planning to Leave an Inheritance Goes Up as the Number Expecting to Receive One Goes Down Finds Northwestern Mutual’s 2025 Planning & Progress Study, Nw. Mut. (July 8, 2025), https://news.northwesternmutual.com/2025-07-08-Intentions-Rise,-Expectations-Fall-The-Number-of-Americans-Planning-to-Leave-an-Inheritance-Goes-Up-as-the-Number-Expecting-to-Receive-One-Goes-Down-Finds-Northwestern-Mutuals-2025-Planning-Progress-Study. ↩︎
2. Anthony Martin, 66% of Young Americans Expect to Benefit from Great Wealth Transfer, Choice Mut. (Aug. 19, 2025), https://choicemutual.com/blog/great-wealth-transfer. ↩︎
3. Intentions Rise, Expectations Fall, supra note 1. ↩︎
4. Makailah Gause, Gen Z Consumers Rely on Parents Amid Inflation Squeeze, Reuters (July 10, 2024), https://www.reuters.com/markets/us/gen-z-consumers-us-rely-parents-inflation-squeezes-budgets-study-shows-2024-07-10. ↩︎
5. Intentions Rise, Expectations Fall, supra note 1. ↩︎
6. Martin, supra note 2. ↩︎
7. Id. ↩︎
8. Id. ↩︎
9. Id. ↩︎

You have decided to meet with an estate planning attorney to get your affairs in order and ensure that your loved ones are protected. Now that you have scheduled the appointment, it is time to get yourself organized and prepare for the first meeting.

Before You Meet with Your Attorney

Taking the time to sort through your important paperwork and organize your thoughts surrounding your goals or plans for the future will go a long way toward making the meeting productive and valuable. Skipping this step may turn the conversation into a scavenger hunt for the attorney and leave you feeling overwhelmed and confused due to the amount of information your attorney will need to know to accomplish your planning objectives. 

Here are eight practical ways to prepare yourself for your first meeting:

1. Gather basic personal information. Put together a list of full legal names, birthdates, and contact information for yourself, your spouse or partner, your children, and other important family members or friends. Having this information on hand can help your attorney understand family relationships and potential heirs and beneficiaries from the start. Also be sure to bring a valid form of photo identification.
2. Make a complete list of your assets (money and property) and liabilities (debts).
   • List what you own, such as bank and investment accounts, real estate, retirement accounts and pensions, life insurance, vehicles, business interests, and even digital assets. Also include the approximate values for each item to give your attorney a clear picture of your estate’s size and composition.
   • Jot down how each of these assets is owned. For example, note whether it is titled in your name alone or jointly with others, such as a spouse, business partners, or another family member.
   • Indicate whether you have already designated a beneficiary for any of your accounts or policies and, if so, whom you designated.
   • Make a list of any debts you owe, such as mortgages, home equity loans, credit cards, medical bills, auto loans, student loans, or personal loans.
   • Note the approximate balance for each debt and who the lender or creditor is.
   • If any debts are jointly held with a spouse, partner, or someone else, jot that down as well so your attorney knows who is legally responsible for repayment.
     
3. Think about whom you want to leave an inheritance to, when you would like them to receive it, and how you want them to receive it.
   Think about whom you want to inherit from you and in what proportions. It is also helpful to choose backup (contingent) beneficiaries in case any of your first-choice beneficiaries pass away before you or are otherwise unable to inherit. Also think about whether there is anyone you specifically wish to exclude from inheriting your property.
   Keep in mind that there are many ways to leave inheritances to beneficiaries. You can give an inheritance to them all at once outright, or you can distribute smaller portions over time at specific ages or after they reach certain milestones (such as completing college, starting a business, or getting married). You can also choose to keep the inheritance in trust for the beneficiary for an undetermined period of time, with the trustee choosing when and how to make distributions. This approach provides the strongest long-term protection and support for the beneficiary.
   Your attorney will walk you through different ways to structure these distributions, but taking time to consider each beneficiary’s current needs—and what they may need in the future—will help ensure that the terms are thoughtful and tailored to your loved ones’ unique circumstances.
4. Reflect on your end-of-life wishes. Think carefully about your preferences for medical care if you were to become seriously ill or incapacitated (unable to manage your affairs). Thinking through the following sensitive but important questions in advance will help your attorney properly prepare the right documents for you, such as a living will and healthcare power of attorney, so your personal choices are clearly documented and honored.
   • Do you want life-sustaining treatments if you have a terminal condition, are in a persistent vegetative state, or are severely incapacitated with no reasonable expectation of recovery?
   • What are your preferences regarding mechanical ventilation (life support) and medically supplied nutrition and hydration (tube feeding or IV fluids)?
   • If you become seriously ill, do you prioritize prolonging life or maximizing comfort and quality of life (even if that means potentially hastening death)?
   • Where would you prefer to receive end-of-life care (at home, in a hospice facility, in a hospital, or somewhere else)?
   • Would you like to be an organ or tissue donor? If so, are there any limits you would place on that donation?
5. Think about whom you want to make decisions for you and handle your affairs if you become incapacitated or pass away. Choosing the right people to serve in these fiduciary roles is one of the most important decisions you need to make. You can select different people for different roles. The most common roles you will need to assign include the following:
   • Executor or personal representative (manages your estate after death if probate court is needed)
   • Guardian for your minor children
   • Agent under your financial power of attorney (handles your finances and legal matters if you are alive but incapacitated)
   • Agent under your healthcare power of attorney (makes medical decisions on your behalf if you are unable to communicate your wishes yourself)
   • Trustee or successor trustee (manages assets held in a trust if you become incapacitated and after your death)
     Why are these decisions so important? If you choose the wrong person or someone who cannot or will not serve when needed, the estate plan you have so carefully put together will be much harder to carry out.
     If you are like most people, you will want your attorney’s advice in selecting the right people or institutions to serve in these roles. Still, it is helpful if you think about which family members or friends might be good candidates—and which ones may not be.
6. Gather relevant legal and financial documents. It is very helpful for your attorney if you can locate and bring the following key documents. Having them on hand makes the meeting more productive and helps your attorney create a plan that is truly tailored to you. Gather what you can, but do not feel overwhelmed if you cannot find everything.
   • Documents that show details about what you own, such as recent statements for your bank, investment, or retirement accounts; property deeds; business agreements; and life insurance policies
   • Recent statements or documents for any debts you have, such as mortgages, home equity loans, credit cards, auto loans, student loans, or personal loans
   • Existing estate plan documents, such as wills, trusts, or powers of attorney
   • Any marital agreements, such as a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement or divorce judgements, if you have any
7. Consider any special circumstances that your attorney should know about. Every family is unique, and your estate plan should be tailored to reflect your specific needs and circumstances. You may be part of a blended family, have a child with special needs, own a business, own property in another state, or hope to leave a charitable legacy.
8. Write down your questions. It can be easy to lose track of the questions you have once the meeting starts. Preparing a list of questions helps ensure that nothing slips through the cracks. You may want to ask about costs and timelines, the differences between a will and a trust, or why many people seek to avoid probate court. This is your meeting, and the attorney wants to ensure that you are comfortable with the choices you are making, so no question is off-limits.

Estate planning can be surprisingly emotional. You may face questions that touch on sensitive topics, including family dynamics, your preferences for end-of-life care, and whom you would want to raise your minor children if you cannot. You may also learn about planning options you never knew existed. Being open and honest with your attorney will enable them to tailor a plan that best suits your circumstances and wishes. These eight points may seem like a great deal to consider and organize, but the peace of mind you gain from creating your comprehensive estate plan will make it well worth the effort.

Retirement can mean many different things to different people. For some, it opens up a new world of travel, experiences, and creative pursuits. For others, it may herald quiet days at home with a good book, a steaming mug of tea or coffee, and no other plans for weeks.

Between those extremes are countless ways to spend one’s postworking years. Like work itself, retirement takes various forms, shaped by practical needs and personal preferences. However, retirement demands one thing above all: adaptability.

While the pace of your days may be slower in retirement, life does not stand still. We are living longer, spending more years in retirement, and dealing with new financial and personal realities. Whether you are approaching retirement or already in it, this stage calls for a fresh look at your estate plan and timely adjustments that match your next chapter.

Retirement Today: Key Trends Shaping Your Estate Planning

Work is not just something we do to make money; rather, we typically see our jobs as a defining part of our identity.

However, no matter how much we may like our jobs, or at least recognize the structure and stability they bring, many of us also find that there is more to life than working. Retirement is supposed to be the reward for a lifetime of hard work, and it still is for many Americans. They turn age 65, start collecting Social Security and enroll in Medicare, and begin to do all the things they never previously had time for.

The retirement picture has changed over the decades. While it theoretically remains the final phase of the American Dream, retirement for most of us looks much different than it did for our parents or grandparents. These differences reflect cultural changes and evolving financial conditions that shape how we live, work, and, ultimately, retire.

Living Longer, Often with Higher Costs

Retirees are living longer, increasing the length of their retirement and their expected healthcare expenses. These factors affect how long savings last and may influence estate planning priorities as well.

• As of 2025, the projected life expectancy for Americans who have reached age 65 is 83 years for men and 86 years for women.¹ In 1940, the projected life expectancy for a 65-year-old was 77 years for men and 79 years for women.²
• Today, median retirement savings for households aged 55–64 is about $185,000,³ below many recommended benchmarks.
• About one-third of retirees are very concerned about being able to cover healthcare costs,⁴ and for good reason. A 65-year-old retiring today could spend more than $170,000 on healthcare alone during retirement.⁵

Estate Planning Perspective: Due to longer lifespans and rising healthcare expenses, your estate plan may need updates to ensure that your lifestyle and legacy goals are supported well into retirement, including provisions for medical care, long-term support, and financial flexibility.

Retirement Is Not What It Used to Be

Older adults today are often working longer or pursuing encore careers, meaning that retirement does not always start at a set age. Working past traditional retirement age can affect income, assets, and estate-planning timelines.

• The average retirement age is now around age 62, up from age 57 in the early 1990s.⁶ In 2023, approximately 19 percent of adults age 65 and older were still working, up from 11 percent in 1987.⁷
• Nearly one in four adults age 50 and above who are still working expect to never fully retire,⁸ and workers age 75 and older are the fastest-growing age group in the workforce, more than quadrupling in size since 1964.⁹
• Many retirees pursue part-time work or side ventures,¹⁰ adding new assets or income streams to their financial picture.

Estate Planning Perspective: Your estate plan should address your current income, any new assets, and the possibility that retirement may start later or look different than you originally expected.

Fixed Incomes and Savings Pressures

Many retirees rely on fixed income, drawing from Social Security, pensions, or savings. Inflation, market volatility, and healthcare costs can affect how long assets last.

• Nearly 50 percent of adults age 60 and above have household incomes below what is needed for basic living expenses.¹¹
• Inflation hits retirees harder than near-retirees because retiree income often does not rise as quickly as prices do.¹²
• Approximately 64 percent of Americans are worried that they will outlive their retirement savings.¹³

Estate Planning Perspective: If you rely on fixed income or are drawing down investments, revisiting your estate plan can help protect both your current lifestyle and the financial legacy you intend to leave for loved ones.

Shifting Family and Lifestyle Dynamics

Downsizing, relocating, or buying new homes later in life is increasingly common, which can significantly affect asset ownership and estate planning priorities.

• Baby boomers, at 42 percent, represent the largest share of home buyers, a significant increase from previous years.¹⁴
• A growing number of retirees are embracing multigenerational living, often taking the form of sharing a home with children and grandchildren¹⁵ or cohousing, where they live in private homes within a community that shares common spaces and support.¹⁶
• More retirees are ditching their homes for recreational vehicles (RVs) and year-round life on the road.¹⁷

Estate Planning Perspective: Changes in living arrangements, whether downsizing, moving in with family, or spending extended time on the road, can affect property ownership status, associated taxes, and the effectiveness of your current estate plan. It is important to review how your property is titled, provisions regarding what you would like to happen to your property within any trusts, and beneficiary designations to ensure that all are aligned with your current situation and goals for the future.

Staying Active, Traveling, and Lifestyle Considerations

Living longer and with better overall health means that retirees today are far from slowing down. Between bucket-list travel, volunteering, and new hobbies, retirement is increasingly more about reinvention than rest.

• Senior travel trends include more “golden gap years”¹⁸ or long-term travel among retirees.
• Older Americans are getting out more in retirement, with senior participation rates in outdoor activities such as hiking, camping, and fishing showing a marked rise in recent years.¹⁹
• A growing number of Americans over 65 are launching small businesses to stay active, pursue passions, and have more control over their work in “retirement.”²⁰

Estate Planning Perspective: A more adventurous, entrepreneurial, and mobile retirement can introduce new risks and responsibilities. Tweaking your estate plan to account for business interests, recreational vehicles, new retirement investments, and contingency plans keeps it aligned with how you live today.

Thinking More Intentionally About Legacy, Gifting, and Long-Term Care

Retirees are increasingly focused on intentional legacy planning, including lifetime gifting and charitable contributions, while balancing higher healthcare costs and the potential need for long-term care as they age.

• More older Americans are embracing a “giving while living” approach to their heirs and inheritance.²¹ In fact, older people are also the most likely to make donations to charities.²²
• Long-term care costs are skyrocketing. Average costs range from more than $150,000 per year for in-home health aide and homemaker services to more than $125,000 per year for a private nursing home room.²³

Estate Planning Perspective: As your priorities shift toward value-driven giving, charitable contributions, and planning for long-term care costs, your estate plan should evolve to reflect not only financial goals but also personal values and the impact you want to leave on your family and community.

Revisiting Your Estate Plan: Practical Scenarios for Retirees

While retirees and near-retirees have a sense of the cultural and economic forces that are shaping the current retirement landscape, they may be unsure about how these changes should translate to their estate planning decisions. Here are some real-world scenarios that take into account what retirement means today—and what it might mean for your estate plan.

Longevity and Healthcare Costs

Situation: You are retired, living longer than expected, and facing rising medical or long-term care expenses.

Scenarios to evaluate:

• You find yourself relying more on Social Security or pension income than you had originally anticipated.
• Market fluctuations are affecting the sustainability of your retirement portfolio.
• Healthcare, long-term care, or caregiving costs are higher than anticipated.

Possible estate planning updates:

• Review and update beneficiary designations on your retirement accounts and insurance policies. This is especially important after opening new investment or retirement accounts, rolling over a 401(k) into an individual retirement account (IRA), or purchasing new life insurance or hybrid life and long-term care policies. Even one outdated beneficiary form can derail an otherwise solid estate plan.
• Evaluate tax-efficient withdrawal and distribution strategies, including how required minimum distributions (RMDs), Roth conversions, Social Security timing, and Medicare premium brackets may affect both your lifetime cash flow and the assets ultimately passing to your beneficiaries.
• Review long-term care planning options such as incorporating provisions for incapacity, updating powers of attorney, or considering a trust structure designed to help protect assets from future care expenses (based on your state’s laws and eligibility rules).

Health and Lifestyle Adjustments

Situation: A new medical diagnosis, evolving long-term care needs, or living in multiple states is prompting changes in your medical or personal planning.

Scenarios to evaluate:

• You or your spouse has received a chronic or progressive health diagnosis.
• You want to remain safely at home with appropriate in-home care or are considering assisted living as part of your long-term care strategy.
• You split time between residences in different states—each with different rules for healthcare documents, guardianship, and Medicaid eligibility.

Possible estate planning updates:

• Update healthcare directives and powers of attorney to confirm that your chosen agents are still appropriate and that documents comply with the requirements of every state where you live or may receive medical care. This includes health care proxies, Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) releases, and durable financial powers of attorney.
• Revise your living will or advance directive to reflect your current preferences for treatment, end-of-life care, pain management, and life-sustaining procedures.
• Review your long-term care strategy, such as exploring traditional or hybrid long-term care insurance, Veterans’ benefits, or state-specific Medicaid planning strategies designed to help preserve assets while meeting eligibility requirements if care needs escalate.
• Consider trust structures for incapacity planning, such as a revocable living trust or, in some states, an irrevocable trust designed for long-term care or asset protection, depending on the timing of your planning and applicable laws.
• Coordinate medical and legal planning across states, especially if you own real property in more than one jurisdiction or if your primary residence for healthcare purposes differs from your legal domicile.

Property Changes and Relocation

Situation: You sold a long-term residence, acquired new property, or moved to another state.

Scenarios to evaluate:

• You purchased a new primary or vacation home.
• You joined a multigenerational household or cohousing community.
• You relocated to a state with different probate, tax, or property rules.

Possible estate planning updates:

• Retitle newly purchased real estate, vehicles, or other assets in the name of your trust to avoid probate.
• Review estate planning documents under the laws of your new state of residence to ensure compliance.
• Confirm homestead, property tax, or community property implications of your new state of residence.

Family Changes and Evolving Relationships

Situation: A marriage, a divorce, or a birth has shifted your priorities.

Scenarios to evaluate:

• Your children or grandchildren have new partners or are expanding their own families.
• Your stepchildren or other dependents should be added to or excluded from your estate plan.
• You provide ongoing financial support to family members.

Possible estate planning updates:

• Revise your will or trust to include or exclude beneficiaries as appropriate.
• Add letters of intent explaining any unequal distributions to help reduce family conflict.
• Update your guardianship, trustee, or executor appointments to reflect current relationships.

Intentional Legacy, Gifting, and Philanthropy

Situation: You wish to give gifts during your lifetime, leave charitable contributions at your death, or pass along personal values to your loved ones.

Scenarios to evaluate:

• You intend to provide financial gifts to family members or loved ones during your lifetime, either annually or through larger strategic transfers.
• You are considering charitable giving, such as donor-advised funds, charitable trusts, or planned bequests.
• You want to document and share your values, life lessons, or hopes for how inherited assets will be used by future generations.

Possible estate planning updates:

• Review your revocable living trust to ensure that it reflects your gifting goals, incorporates charitable intentions, and simplifies the transfer of assets to beneficiaries and charitable organizations.
• Integrate gifting or charitable strategies into your estate plan to optimize taxes and enhance the impact of your legacy.
• Document your legacy beyond the legal documents by creating an ethical will, legacy letter, or family mission statement expressing your values, stories, lessons, and intentions for the assets you are passing on.
• Coordinate with your financial advisorto ensure that gifting aligns with your own financial security, tax profile, and long-term planning needs. Lifetime gifts should support—not undermine—your ability to maintain quality of life.

Planning for Change

The transition to retirement can reshape nearly every aspect of your financial and personal life. Your estate plan should evolve alongside it.

As retirement stretches longer than ever, what once seemed sufficient in your original plan may no longer meet your needs. Lifestyle changes, family dynamics, and financial realities all influence the effectiveness of your estate planning documents. It can be helpful to pause at major life milestones such as retirement to reflect, revisit, and reevaluate how life will be different moving forward and to take actions that support the new circumstances of your next chapter.

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