Category: Estate Planning

There is a famous scene in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy steps into the magical Land of Oz and is transported from a black-and-white world to a Technicolor one.

The phrase in living color originates from TV and film advertising in the mid-20th century, when black-and-white imagery was standard and color television was a novelty. It represented something more vibrant and lifelike: Viewers were seeing real people rendered in natural color, often for the first time.

What started as a literal description of color TV technology has transformed into a cultural idiom for expressive and authentic portrayal. That shift can also apply to your estate plan, taking it from a purely formal black-and-white documentation process to a more vibrant representation of your life in its varied hues and tones.

There are many ways to add color to your estate plan—ways that help paint a true-to-life picture of who you are within the standard planning canvas.

Estate Planning Can Let You Show Your True Colors

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the term estate planning?

It may be paperwork or attorney meetings mixed with a fair amount of legalese and difficult decisions like who should receive what, who should be in charge, equal versus fair inheritance shares, and end-of-life preferences.

Estate planning does involve all these things, expressed through documents such as wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and advance medical directives. But estate planning is also much more than that. 

Here are several ways you can start to color in your estate plan, moving beyond a black-and-white collection of documents to a more expressive representation of who you are in your many roles as a family member, a friend, a philanthropist, and the artist behind your legacy.

1. Ethical Wills: Adding Subtle Tones to Standard Documents

Estate planning documents are designed to be clear, legally enforceable, and objective. They are written in precise legal language to ensure that your wishes can be carried out as intended. Ethical wills serve a different (although complementary) purpose. They are personal, nonbinding documents that allow you to share your values, experiences, and perspective with your loved ones, in your own words.

How ethical wills work:

• Separate from a legal will or trust and carry no legal force
• Can be written, recorded, or compiled in multiple formats
• May include life lessons, family history, cultural traditions, or personal reflections
• Typically shared with family members during life, but may be included with estate planning documents to be shared at death

How ethical wills add color to an estate plan:

• Explain the values and experiences that shaped your decisions
• Preserve stories and history that do not appear in formal documents
• Humanize distributions that may otherwise feel impersonal or confusing to loved ones
• Give your voice permanence long after you can no longer speak for yourself

While a legal will may control inheritance outcomes, an ethical will provides context, continuity, and connection for your beneficiaries. It does not need to be lengthy or literary. Even a short ethical will, written in your own words, can add warmth, depth, and dimension to an estate plan by helping loved ones understand not just what you decided, but why. You can think of it as mixing standard colors to create a new tone.

2. Philanthropic Passions: Generous Brushstrokes That Build Shape and Texture

Charitable giving can provide financial benefits, including potential tax advantages. But for most people, its purpose runs deeper: It is an expression of identity, gratitude, and personal beliefs. Philanthropy allows your estate plan to reflect what matters to you beyond your immediate loved ones, including the causes you support, the communities you care about, and the values you hope to encourage for future generations.

How philanthropic planning works:

• Often incorporated through bequests in a will or a trust
• May involve charitable trusts, donor-advised funds, or direct gifts
• Can be structured during life, at death, or across generations
• Often coordinated with broader financial and tax planning goals

How philanthropy adds color to an estate plan:

• Translates personal values into lasting impact
• Tells beneficiaries what you stood for, not just what you owned
• Creates a sense of continuity between generations
• Offers a shared purpose that can bring families together

Donations large enough to earn a named building or library wing are beyond most people’s gifting budget. However, even modest charitable provisions can build texture and depth into an estate plan by showing how your values extend beyond the frame of family and finances. They serve as subtle accent colors that draw the eye inward and give a plan dimension.

3. Sentimental Items: Smaller Strokes That Show Personality 

Not everything that matters in an estate plan is measurable in dollars. Personal belongings—jewelry, artwork, letters, heirloom quilts, collections, photo albums, or other meaningful everyday objects—can carry emotional weight that far exceeds their financial value. For example, an old painting that hung above your desk may be coveted by a family member because it reminds them of you, even if it has little financial value. These items help tell stories, reflect relationships, and preserve memories in ways formal documents and financial accounts cannot.

How planning for sentimental items works:

• Items can be addressed through a personal property memorandum or list referenced in estate planning documents
• Instructions may be updated over time without changing core estate documents
• Preferences can account for emotional significance that transcends monetary value
• Conversations with family can strengthen written guidance to avoid misunderstandings

How sentimental items add color to an estate plan:

• Highlight relationships and shared history that numbers cannot capture
• Reduce conflict over sentimental items by clarifying your intentions in advance
• Keep alive family stories attached to specific objects
• Allow meaning to live beside ownership

4. Letters of Intent: Filling in the Fine Details

Whereas an ethical will focuses on values, reflections, and meaning, a letter of intent is practical and instructional. This nonbinding document is designed to guide the people carrying out your estate plan by explaining how certain day-to-day decisions should be implemented. Letters of intent do not change legal outcomes but provide clarity where formal documents must remain intentionally limited and can be especially useful when planning for a beneficiary with special or highly specific needs.

How letters of intent work:

• Supplement a will or a trust without carrying legal force
• Share preferences, routines, and expectations that do not belong in formal documents
• Frequently used to guide executors, trustees, guardians, or caregivers
• Commonly updated as circumstances, needs, or family dynamics change

How letters of intent add color to an estate plan:

• Explain the reasoning behind decisions that may otherwise feel opaque
• Add nuance to instructions that legal documents must keep general
• Help fiduciaries act with confidence instead of guesswork
• Express personal priorities that cannot be reduced to legal language

While an ethical will helps tell your story in broad strokes, a letter of intent sharpens the image by layering in detail and direction. This is the fine brushwork carefully overlaid on the broader composition to ensure that what you intended is not only understood but carried out as you envisioned.

5. Family Conversations: Paint the Full Picture in Words

Even the most thoughtful and vibrant estate plan can appear flat if the people it affects are not part of a bigger discussion that makes the context clear. Family conversations are where your vision becomes visible, giving loved ones insight into your values, priorities, and reasoning before those ideas are filtered through documents, emotions, or assumptions.

How family conversations about your estate plan work:

• Can take place gradually rather than all at once
• Focus on values and intentions, not mere dollar amounts
• Usually include spouses, adult children, fiduciaries, or other key decision-makers
• May coincide with planning milestones or life transitions

How family conversations add color to an estate plan:

• Reveal the motivations behind decisions that may otherwise surprise or confuse loved ones
• Reduce misinterpretation and resentment by setting expectations early
• Help loved ones see your plan as intentional and not arbitrary
• Build trust by sharing perspective as well as intended outcomes

You do not need to present a finished masterpiece to start these conversations. Simply sharing rough sketches, such as what matters to you, what you hope to pass on, and what you want to avoid, can bring the bigger picture into focus. Family conversations are the “director’s cut” of your estate plan: the narrative that allows others to see what went into the production.

6. Incentive Trusts: Guiding the Brush Without Controlling the Hand

Incentive trusts are sometimes misunderstood as tools for control (specifically, “control beyond the grave”). Understood properly, they are tools for guidance that help you shape outcomes by connecting financial support with values you care about (i.e., education, work, service, or responsible stewardship) while still giving beneficiaries room to grow into their own lives and decisions.

How incentive trusts work:

• Distributions are tied to specific milestones or behaviors
• Popular incentives include achievement of certain education, employment, caregiving, or community involvement milestones
• Terms are typically set out in a trust and administered by a trustee
• Flexibility can be built in to account for changing circumstances

How incentive trusts add color to an estate plan:

• Reflect what you value in addition to what you want to fund
• Provide structure without rigid control
• Encourage engagement, purpose, or responsibility
• Signal intention that feels less like judgment

When used with a specific heir and their circumstances in mind, incentive trusts can avoid imposing a single vision of success. Instead, they can offer gentle guidance and direction without prescribing every step. In an estate plan, they function like guiding lines beneath the paint. Those just starting out or struggling can benefit from the underlying structure while having some freedom for personal touches.

7. Living Legacy Projects and Other Ways to Paint an Estate Plan

Every aspect of a legacy does not need to be captured in legal documents or even the nonlegal documents that accompany them. Some of the most meaningful expressions of legacy are created alongside the estate plan rather than inside it. Family legacy projects are a way to preserve stories and experiences that do not neatly fit into formal planning but may matter just as much.

How legacy projects work:

• Created or co-created during life with family members
• May exist in digital, written, audio, or visual formats
• Can be shared informally or referenced in estate planning documents
• Able to evolve over time; do not have to be completed all at once

Examples include recorded video interviews with family members, digital scrapbooks or photo archives for online sharing, illustrated family trees, or “story maps” that trace ancestors’ migration from other parts of the world. Families may also create music playlists, recipe collections, or written reflections that capture traditions, identity, and special everyday moments that pass quietly between major milestones.

How legacy projects add color to an estate plan:

• Incorporate voices, stories, and perspectives that legal documents cannot express
• Create connection across generations that complements asset distributions
• Invite loved ones to participate in shaping the legacy together
• Turn memories into something tangible, shareable, and enduring

Newer tools make this kind of preservation even more accessible. Services such as Remento send prompts to loved ones and record their spoken responses as digital keepsakes while others, such as Storyworth, Meminto, Memorygram, and StoryCorps, offer different ways to capture written stories, audio interviews, and multimedia family histories.

Legacy projects can function like an informational placard placed in front of your finished work or a pamphlet visitors take home. They help explain what others are seeing and make the process feel more inclusive. A legacy project may be the last part of your plan, created after the paperwork is signed and filed, but it could have the greatest emotional impact.

If you are feeling like Dorothy stuck in a black-and-white world, an estate planning lawyer can help you step into Technicolor and express your legacy with your own unmistakable artistic stamp.

Many people have a childhood memory of somebody close to them passing away. Whether the deceased was a parent or grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a family friend, it may have been their first real encounter facing grief or attending a funeral.

That experience may have left a lasting impression, influencing what you want—or do not want—for your own memorial. For many families, traditional services offer comfort and continuity; for others, a conventional funeral may feel disconnected from the life being honored.

In addition to options such as cremation, more Americans are exploring memorial alternatives that include celebrations of life and even living funerals. Whatever your preferences, you may wish to plan for your memorial services well ahead of time.

Death Planning Is Part of Estate Planning

An estate consists of everything you own when you die, including your house, your car, and your personal possessions as well as your bank accounts, investments, and retirement funds.

When you die, certain people (e.g., an executor of your estate or a close relative) can generally exercise rights over your body including its proper disposal. However, you may want to make your wishes known by putting a plan in place. That plan should also include how the arrangements will be paid for.

Without a binding estate plan that instructs people how to handle your remains, their disposition, like the disposition of your assets, is left up to those with authority. That means your spouse, children, parents, or siblings usually decide what to do with your body. They may do what they think is best, but that may be a far cry from what you imagine for yourself.

According to a 2025 survey, two-thirds of Americans have thought through their end-of-life arrangements in detail, including the type of service, its location, and the music to accompany it. Ten percent of them say they have gone as far as determining the “overall mood” they want for the occasion; nearly one in five say they think about their own death at least once per day.¹

But thinking about death and planning for it are two very different things. In the same study, death and estate planning ranked as the second-most-difficult subject to discuss with loved ones. One-quarter called the topic “uncomfortable.”

Talking through death and estate planning, though, may not be nearly as uncomfortable—or as burdensome—as leaving family members to decide how to dispose of your body if you have not decided ahead of time, clearly stated your wishes in a legal document, and set aside money for the arrangements.

The funds to pay for your funeral, burial, or memorial services come out of your estate. These expenses have high priority and are generally paid before most other debts. However, without a plan that includes payment considerations, only “reasonable” costs are typically covered. More detailed or extravagant funeral or celebration-of-life expenses may be reduced or not covered.

Research from Choice Mutual estimates that the average cost in 2026 of a traditional funeral with burial is approximately $8,000–$9,000.² Funeral fees can also quickly expand: Add in $50–$80 per flower arrangement, $2,500–$5,000 for a funeral plot, a few thousand dollars for a grave marker, plus more (e.g., another $150–$600 to release white doves), and costs can quickly move beyond what is likely to be considered “reasonable.”³

A common way to pay for burial and funeral costs is with a life insurance or final expenses policy. Other ways to pay include putting cash in a savings account, prepaying a funeral home for the service, setting up a payable on demand (POD) account, or, as a last resort, selling off assets after death.

But the second-most-popular option, per Choice Mutual’s research (“my family will figure it out”) is revealing.⁴ It shows that people may be thinking about their death and mentally planning their memorials but not formally documenting their wishes in an estate plan. Failing to do so could result in a situation where your loved ones have no plan to follow and no funds set aside for your end-of-life wishes. You may be fine with that and resigned to whatever they choose. But if you want your loved ones to celebrate your life your way, you need to plan ahead and consider professional support long in advance.

Intentional Planning and Traditional Funeral Alternatives

You may not be able to choose how you die. But you have some say in how you are remembered and the legacy you leave. That legacy ends—or depending how you look at it, begins—with your send–off ceremony. More Americans are opting for newer or alternative burial options, which may include more personalized, eco-friendly, and tech-enabled funeral services.

Living Funerals

A living funeral is a memorial or celebration held while the person being honored is still alive.⁵ Rather than focusing on loss, these gatherings center on connection, reflection, and shared memories, with the honoree often present and involved. They can range from formal services with readings and speeches to informal dinners or parties and may be private or open to a broader community. A living funeral does not have to replace final disposition. Burial, cremation, or another method may still occur later and should also be planned.

Why People Choose This Option

• The honoree has an opportunity to hear stories, receive gratitude, and participate directly.
• It creates meaningful memories while time and health allow.
• It shifts the focus from loss to celebration and connection.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• Costs resemble those of any private event and depend on venue, guest count, and food.
• Expenses are incurred during life, with separate costs later for disposition.
• Clear documentation helps ensure that postdeath plans align with expectations.

Celebrations of Life

A celebration of life is typically held after death and differs from a traditional funeral in tone and structure.⁶ The body is usually not present, which allows greater flexibility in timing and location. These events focus on personality, values, and shared experiences and are often held weeks or months later in meaningful settings such as homes, parks, event spaces, or places tied to the deceased person’s hobbies or passions. Some individuals may wish to provide specific directions for such celebrations while they are alive. For example, they may want a particular color scheme, a specialty menu, or a specific memento to be provided as a parting gift to guests.

Why People Choose This Option

• It offers greater flexibility in timing, location, and tone.
• There is an emphasis on storytelling and shared memories.
• It feels more personal and less formal than a traditional service.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• No embalming or viewing is required.
• Costs vary based on venue, catering, and programming.
• Burial or cremation expenses are handled separately.

Cremation with a Flexible Memorial

More Americans are choosing cremation than ever before.⁷ Because cremation may occur shortly after death, memorial services can be planned later without the urgency sometimes associated with burial. Memorials may be held days, weeks, or months later, with cremains present, handled privately, or incorporated into multiple gatherings depending on family needs and geography.

Why People Choose This Option

• It provides flexibility in timing and memorial format.
• There are lower baseline costs compared with traditional burial.
• It is easier to accommodate multiple or delayed gatherings, which may be especially important if loved ones need to arrange travel.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• Cremation typically has lower upfront costs than burial.
• Memorial costs depend on scale, timing, and location.
• Additional costs may include urns, interment, or scattering.

Green or Natural Burial Options

Green or eco-friendly burials focus on reducing environmental impact by avoiding embalming, vaults, and nonbiodegradable materials.⁸ The body is placed in a biodegradable container or shroud and interred in a natural burial ground designed to return remains to the earth. Memorial services may mirror traditional ceremonies or take the form of simple, nature-focused gatherings held on-site or elsewhere.

Why People Choose This Option

• It aligns with their environmental and sustainability values.
• They prefer simplicity and minimal materials.
• They desire a return-to-nature approach.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• Availability varies by region and cemetery.
• Cemetery fees and burial materials affect total cost.
• Advance planning is often required due to limited locations.

Technology-Enabled and Virtual Memorials

Technology-enabled memorials use digital tools to supplement or replace in-person services, including live-streamed or recorded ceremonies, hybrid gatherings, or fully virtual memorials.⁹ These options allow loved ones to participate remotely and are often paired with online planning platforms that let families arrange services and complete paperwork without visiting a funeral home. Direct cremation is frequently offered through online providers, further separating disposition from memorial planning.

Why People Choose This Option

• Distant or travel-limited loved ones are able to participate.
• Timing and format are flexible.
• It reduces logistical pressure during a difficult time.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• Virtual or hybrid services can reduce venue and travel costs.
• Online direct cremation is often among the least expensive options.
• Reliable setup and clear communication are essential.

Other Alternatives

In addition to the options above, some families are exploring newer approaches that reflect changing values and circumstances:

• Human composting, where legally available, is an environmentally focused disposition option that requires advance planning and coordination.¹⁰
• Private family memorials with a public service later allow close loved ones to grieve first, followed by a larger gathering when emotions are less raw.
• Living or ongoing memorials can take the form of scholarships, charitable funds, tree plantings, or annual gatherings tied to a meaningful cause or activity.

These alternatives may not be right for everyone, but they offer options that may feel more inclusive and authentic to some people than the traditional model for memorial planning.

From Ideation to Action: Tips for Executing Your End-of-Life Plans

Thinking intentionally about your memorial is the first step in a bigger planning picture. Putting your ideas into a form others can follow turns preferences into something practical and meaningful.

Document your memorial wishes. Memorial preferences are most effective when they are written down and easy to find. Depending on how detailed you want to be, your documents may include the following:

• A will, for high-level direction
• A letter of instruction, outlining logistics and preferences
• An ethical or legacy will, explaining the values or meaning behind your choices

Sharing your wishes is just as important as documenting them. Talking through your plans with family members or trusted decision-makers helps set expectations and reduces uncertainty during an already emotional time.

Think about the experience you want to create. You do not need to plan every detail, but considering the overall feel of the event can provide helpful guidance. Your choices may take the following into consideration:

• The desired atmosphere or tone (formal or informal, religious or secular, reflective, celebratory, etc.)
• Venue preferences or meaningful locations
• Music, readings, or activities that reflect your personality or beliefs

Add personal touches if they matter to you. Small details can make a service feel more personal without adding complexity. For example:

• Memory boards or photo slideshows
• Message jars with notes from attendees that can be given to surviving loved ones as a source of comfort or symbolic as words of farewell
• Meaningful food or drink choices
• Simple favors tied to your hobbies, interests, or favorite things

Consider professional support where it adds clarity and follow-through. Planning a memorial commonly involves more than one type of expertise. Depending on the complexity of your wishes, the following helpful professionals may be involved:

• Funeral directors, who can explain disposition options, coordinate services, and outline cost considerations
• Celebrants or officiants, especially for religious or highly personalized services
• Event planners, for larger celebrations or nontraditional venues
• Estate planning attorneys, who can help document memorial wishes appropriately, coordinate them with the rest of your estate plan, and ensure that instructions are legally consistent and easy to follow

Have a plan to pay for it. Deciding how it will be funded is just as important as deciding what you want. Memorial and funeral costs are typically paid from your estate and typically come due quickly. Planning ahead can reduce financial stress and timing issues for your loved ones.

• Set aside funds in a dedicated savings account.
• Use a life insurance or final expense policy.
• Prepay certain services in advance.
• Coordinate beneficiary or POD designations to ensure that funds are accessible.

We need to be just as practical about our deaths as we are about our lives. Combining your payment plan with your memorial wishes helps ensure that cost does not become a barrier to carrying out your intentions, whatever they are.

Your choices about how you are remembered may fall squarely within the traditional or fall outside what is considered normal. But it is your life, and you may wish to ensure that it is memorialized and celebrated your way.

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1. Two-Thirds of Americans Have “Planned” Their Funerals, But Majority Avoid Estate Planning Conversations, StudyFinds (Sept. 30, 2025), https://studyfinds.org/americans-planned-funerals-avoid-estate-conversations. ↩︎
2. Anthony Martin, How Much Does A Funeral Cost?, Choice Mutual (July 22, 2025), https://choicemutual.com/blog/funeral-cost. ↩︎
3. Id. ↩︎
4. Anthony Martin, 2025 Survey Results: How Technology Is Reshaping Funeral Preferences, Choice Mutual (June 13, 2025), https://choicemutual.com/blog/funeral-preferences. ↩︎
5. Jeanne Sager, What Is a Living Funeral? A New Perspective on Celebrating Life, Care.com (Dec. 8, 2025), https://www.care.com/c/what-is-a-living-funeral-celebration-of-life. ↩︎
6. What Is a Celebration of Life?, Mem’l Plan., https://www.memorialplanning.com/resources/funerals/what-is-a-celebration-of-life (last visited Feb. 24, 2026). ↩︎
7. Americans Choosing Cremation at Historic Rates, NFDA Report Finds, NFDA (Sept. 18, 2025), https://nfda.org/news/media-center/nfda-news-releases/id/9772/americans-choosing-cremation-at-historic-rates-nfda-report-finds. ↩︎
8. What Are the Different Types of Eco-Friendly Burials?, Return Home, https://returnhome.com/what-are-the-different-types-of-eco-friendly-burials (last visited Feb. 24, 2026). ↩︎
9. Sare Marsden-Ille, Death Care Disrupted: How Cremation and Tech Are Changing the Funeral Industry, USFuneralsOnline (Nov. 15, 2024), https://www.us-funerals.com/death-care-disrupted-how-cremation-and-tech-are-changing-the-funeral-industry. ↩︎
10. Sarah Vallie, What Is Human Composting?, WebMD (Jan. 5, 2023), https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-human-composting. ↩︎

You have probably heard of the gender pay gap. But there is also another common disparity: the estate planning gender gap.

Although the two are interrelated to some extent—earning less than men puts women on an unequal path to investment and retirement savings, and women generally spend more than men on healthcare in retirement—the specific reasons behind the gap in estate planning deserve their own consideration.

The overall rate of estate planning in the United States is low, with less than one-quarter of Americans having a basic will.¹ Within those already low numbers, men are more likely than women to have formal estate plans. This disparity is due not simply to differences in income or asset levels but also to timing, priorities, and the roles men and women tend to occupy over the course of their lives.

Closing the estate planning gap may be addressed at an individual level through education, conversations, and professional guidance.

From the Pay Gap to the Planning Gap

The gender pay gap—the average difference in earnings between women and men—shows that women typically earn less than their male counterparts for similar full-time work. While the gap has narrowed over time and varies across groups and locations, it has persisted for decades.

At the same time, women generally need larger nest eggs than men due to having a longer life expectancy (81 years for women versus 76 years for men).² Living longer can also result in higher healthcare costs in retirement. Retirement healthcare cost estimates are $150,000 for men and $165,000 for women.³

Yet women are less likely than men to have an estate plan—a gap that can magnify the financial risks created by gender disparities in earnings, savings, and longevity.

Strategies for Proactive Planning

Closing the gender gap in estate planning is about more than just drafting documents; it is about ensuring that your financial legal structure is as resilient as your life demands. Here is how to take command of the process.

Prioritize literacy over technicalities. Estate planning is often shrouded in highly technical legal language that can serve as a barrier to entry. Focus first on foundational concepts: how a trust protects privacy, how powers of attorney ensure continuity of care, and why healthcare directives are essential for maintaining autonomy.

Align your estate plan with your values. For many women, wealth management is a tool for stability. Form your estate plan as a protection strategy rather than just a transfer of assets. By focusing on preserving independence and reducing the burden on loved ones during times of uncertainty, the planning process becomes a proactive extension of your existing responsibilities.

Initiate conversations early. Do not put off having conversations with partners and beneficiaries to clarify decision-making roles and values. Treating these discussions as business meetings for the family removes the emotional weight and ensures that your intentions are documented long before they are needed.

Demand transparency and clarity. Estate planning can sometimes feel abstract. Insist on clear projections, such as charts or summaries that outline exactly who makes decisions under specific circumstances. If a professional cannot explain a strategy in clear, actionable terms, they are not the right partner for your goals.

Adopt an iterative approach. An estate plan is a living document, not a static event. Given that women often navigate complex career paths and caregiving roles, your plan should be reviewed every three to five years. Start with the essentials, such as naming healthcare decision-makers or organizing key documents, and introduce more complex trust or tax strategies as your assets and life circumstances evolve.

Partner with professionals who value your perspective. Estate planning should feel open and collaborative. Seek out financial and legal professionals who practice active listening and respect your goals and concerns. A good advisor should act as a collaborator, translating legal and financial complexity into strategic choices that reflect your reality.

If you are ready to talk about savings, retirement, and wealth management in a way that reflects the modern realities of women, reach out to us to start the conversation.

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1. Danika Miller, Worst States in Which to Die Without a Will in 2025, Caring (Feb. 11, 2025), https://www.caring.com/resources/worst-states-to-die-without-a-will-2025. ↩︎
2. CDC: Life Expectancy Up, Mortality Down in 2023, Am. Hosp. Ass’n (Dec. 19, 2024), https://www.aha.org/news/headline/2024-12-19-cdc-life-expectancy-mortality-down-2023. ↩︎
3. Javier Simon, You’ll Need Way More Money Than You Think for Health Care Costs in Retirement, Money (May 16, 2022), https://money.com/healthcare-costs-retirement-fidelity-study-2022. ↩︎

Noncitizen spouses are treated differently than US citizen spouses for estate and gift tax purposes.¹

They do not get the unlimited marital deduction. Married US citizen spouses can generally transfer unlimited amounts of money between each other during life or upon death in various qualifying ways without any gift or estate tax concerns. This unlimited marital deduction delays any estate taxes until after the survivor dies. However, lifetime gifts to a noncitizen spouse and inheritance upon a citizen spouse’s death for a surviving noncitizen spouse are not eligible for the unlimited marital deduction.

Instead, a US citizen spouse should set up a qualified domestic trust (QDOT), which gives their noncitizen spouse the benefit of the unlimited marital deduction while ensuring that any taxes due will be paid after the noncitizen spouse passes away. There are special rules governing QDOTs. For example, the noncitizen spouse must generally be the trust’s sole beneficiary while alive, and there must be a US trustee. The noncitizen spouse generally receives all the income that the trust property generates during the remainder of the survivor’s lifetime, but generally cannot receive principal without incurring an estate tax penalty.

Jointly owned property is treated differently. If a married couple jointly owns a home, it is generally assumed to belong to both spouses equally when both are US citizens, with each spouse owning a 50 percent share of the home. Therefore, when either spouse dies, only 50 percent of the value of the shared asset is included in the deceased spouse’s estate for estate tax purposes. However, if one spouse is a noncitizen, this presumption may not apply. For example, if the US citizen spouse dies first and the jointly owned home is worth $200,000, the entire $200,000—instead of $100,000—will be included in the deceased spouse’s taxable estate unless the noncitizen spouse proves they have contributed a certain amount toward the home.

There is no unlimited gifting. Generally, US citizen spouses can make unlimited gifts to each other during life without having to pay the federal gift tax, as long as the gifts qualify for the unlimited marital deduction. However, if a US citizen spouse makes a gift to their noncitizen spouse that exceeds the annual limit ($194,000 for 2026), the gifting citizen spouse may need to either use a portion of their lifetime exemption to cover the amount in excess or incur a gift tax liability.

Remember state estate and inheritance taxes. Depending on where a couple lives, state estate or inheritance taxes may apply even if no federal tax is due, because the thresholds for state estate taxes may be lower than the threshold for federal estate taxes.

Contact Us

Regardless of the citizenship status of your family members or loved ones, it is crucial to create a well-thought-out estate plan to provide for them in the way you intend and to minimize your potential tax liability. Contact us today to design an estate plan that addresses your unique circumstances and needs.

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1. This has nothing to do with immigration status. ↩︎

Personal items accumulated over our lifetimes may be left in estate planning limbo when we pass away. You may have kept many personal effects and everyday items more for sentimental reasons than for financial value, such as your clothing, jewelry, books, quilts, collectibles, and religious items.

Each item we leave behind tells part of the story of who we were and what we valued, a subtle sign of meaning that, after we pass, serves as a powerful reminder of person, place, and purpose.

While your estate plan may describe in detail who will receive big-ticket items, your loved ones may argue over small nostalgic items that you unintentionally omitted. To prevent family strife and forestall bickering among your loved ones, you also need to think in a big-picture way about the little things in your estate.

Small Items Can Cause Outsized Conflicts

The fate of your home and vacation property is likely to be outlined in your estate plan. You have probably selected beneficiaries for your retirement account and life insurance policies; chosen a future owner for your valuable collection of first-edition books; divided up your business interests; and planned for your digital assets.

Your estate plan checks all the major boxes. But is there a check mark next to those sentimental items?

Many people assume—wrongly, it turns out—that money is the top issue that triggers fights among heirs. In fact, personal items are five times more likely than money to create family conflict, according to a study from Allianz Life Insurance that examined inheritance and legacy issues.¹

Families may go to court over something as seemingly insignificant as a handwritten recipe book or a piece of art.² In some cases, people end up inheriting enough financial assets to replace the disputed sentimental item many times over, yet spend exorbitant sums fighting over the original item for sentimental reasons.

In 2014, comedian and actor Robin Williams left behind an estate valued at around $100 million.³ Following his death, his three children and widow entered a bitter feud over Williams’ personal items, including family photographs, clothing, and a bicycle.⁴

On their own, these items may not have much financial value, yet small personal belongings can still cause the most contention because they often represent the greatest emotional tie to the deceased.

How to Avoid Family Fights Over Small Personal Effects

Estate planning attorneys can cite example after example of such conflicts happening with their clients, regardless of their wealth. With emotions running high after a loved one’s death, grieving loved ones may be willing to pay any price, financial or otherwise, to obtain sentimental items.

Take Time to Pause and Reflect After a Loved One’s Death

For anyone caught up in a family dispute (or attempting to avoid one) about the fate of a favorite wristwatch, sewing kit, or piece of artwork, it is okay to pause before distributing personal items.

As long as there is no rush to clear out the house for sale or for someone else to move in, items can generally remain where they are. Think of it as a museum with everything left as it was at the time of your loved one’s passing.

Depending on the instructions left in the estate plan, one option is for loved ones to walk around the “museum” and, as they reminisce, identify items they would like to keep and box everything up. If all the heirs are unable to meet in person for this exercise due to distance or scheduling constraints, the executor could host a virtual meeting to bring everyone together and keep them on the same page.

Start the Process During Your Lifetime

This process can be a conversation starter, but ideally, the conversation starts during the owner’s lifetime, when heads are cooler and emotions are less intense.

Start with a simple direct question for your loved ones: Is there anything of mine that you want?

There may also be items of special importance to you that youwant passed down in particular ways. Ensure that these things are also part of the conversation.

Create an Inventory

The person(s) responsible for winding up the decedent’s affairs will create an inventory of most assets, but there is no reason it cannot be done during the owner’s life.

Inventorying could be part of “Swedish death cleaning”⁵ or a similar predeath decluttering ritual. Everything that does not get thrown out or donated while you are alive can be added to the list, simplifying the inventory for heirs and removing some of the guesswork.

In fact, the best time to create an inventory may be now, while you are alive. Waiting until later means that the executor or personal representative and family members will be responsible for inventorying, a process that could be unclear and contentious.

After your death, the inventory can be updated to reflect the distribution plan for specific assets. For example, items could be designated in a spreadsheet as “donate,” “throw away,” or “Aunt Cathy claimed.” The real harm could come from what does not make it onto the list and falls into a gray area.

Choose Someone to Manage Distribution

Having one person oversee inventorying and distribution is another way to simplify what could otherwise be a complex, messy, conflict-prone situation—and still could be, despite efforts to avoid it.

Usually, the executor is responsible for the inventory and distribution of assets, but other solutions are possible. Depending on family dynamics, a separate “master of ceremonies” could be a better fit for this role. Consider somebody with a level head, a sense of fairness, and a degree of separation from any family rifts.

Once again, this process does not have to wait until after your death. It could be you (the original owner) who oversees a creative solution to the keepsake conundrum.

Make It a Game

It may take months or years for your loved ones to get over the immediate emotional sting of your passing. But there are ways to make the division process a more positive experience for all involved—yourself included. Consider implementing strategies to divide assets during your lifetime so you can witness the recipients’ enjoyment, or else specify procedures for dividing sentimental assets after your death.

• Round-robin or turn-based selection process. Have heirs take turns selecting items one by one to help level the “who gets what” playing field and avoid first-come, first-served chaos.
• Shared digital or photobook keepsakes. Scan old photos, letters, recipe cards, greeting cards, or documents, and compile them into shared digital albums or printed memory books. That way, everyone gets access to the memories, not just the person with the original.
• Family “auction” using tokens or play money. Give each family member an equal amount of fake money or tokens to “bid” on the items they care about most. This method turns what could be an emotionally charged process into a structured and even lighthearted activity.
• Use colored stickers or tags to express interest. Have each heir pick a different color sticker or tag, then let everyone mark items they would like. Items with only one sticker will go to that person; items with multiple claims go to a separate discussion, negotiation, or another selection round.
• Rotation or “time-share” of heirlooms and high-sentiment items. For items that multiple people value (e.g., holiday dishes, heirloom decorations, seasonal heirlooms), consider rotating who keeps them each year, sharing the memories across the family.

Write a Personal Property Memorandum

Conflicts over items from the residuary, or residual, estate typically arise due to a lack of planning. “Residual” is an appropriate term here because it can create a sticky, hard-to-remove situation when beneficiaries are not clearly linked to specific items.

An inventory, no matter how thorough, or a game, no matter how fun, may not carry the legal weight of a formal personal property memorandum. And that can cause every other effort to distribute personal items, no matter how thoughtful, to fall short.

A personal property memorandum is a simple document that works alongside your will and lets you specify who should receive certain personal belongings, but it is subject to different rules in different states. In many states, when your will references it, the memorandum is usually recognized as a legally binding guide. Because it is separate from the will, you can update it as often as needed without revising your entire estate plan.

This memorandum works hand in hand with your will’s residuary clause, which directs where everything else goes after specific gifts have been handled.

If no memorandum exists, the residuary clause controls the distribution of all personal effects, including sentimental items. In some families, that works fine; in others, it leaves too much up to chance.

Avoid Vague Language

By creating a personal property memorandum or by being intentional about how your residuary clause is drafted, you can give your loved ones unambiguous written guidance governing sentimental items.

Memoranda and similar clauses, if added to an estate plan, should clearly delineate specific valuable items, especially in blended families or already conflicted families, to avoid costly disputes over sentimental or valuable personal property.

Plan Now to Avoid Pain Later

It is not always obvious which items hold the most personal importance to someone. The cheapest tchotchke could send us—or a loved one—down memory lane.

It is your stuff and ultimately your responsibility to decide its fate. That responsibility can be handed off and delayed, possibly at great cost to your family and legacy. Take steps now to save your heirs heartache later. Start inventorying and planning today.

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1. The Allianz American Legacies Pulse Survey at p. 8, Allianzlife, https://www.allianzlife.com/-/media/files/allianz/documents/ent_1371_n.pdf. ↩︎
2. Travis Campbell, “8 Family Heirlooms That Sparked Legal Battles Across Generations,” AOL (Jul. 30, 2025), https://www.aol.com/lifestyle/8-family-heirlooms-sparked-legal-143036679.html; see also How to Spare Your Heirs a Battle Over Your Estate, Consumer Reports (April 2014), https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2014/04/avoid-family-estate-battle-after-you-die/index.htm. ↩︎
3. Joy Reid, Robin Williams’ Widow and Children Agree to Settlement of His Estate, VanityFair (Oct. 3, 2015), https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2015/10/robin-williams-widow-children-settlement. ↩︎
4. Id. ↩︎
5. Mariah Thomas, What Is Swedish Death Cleaning? How the Method Can Help You Declutter, GoodHousekeeping (May 10, 2023), https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/organizing/a43826147/swedish-death-cleaning. ↩︎

Receiving news that you need major surgery is never easy. Preparing for work absences, planning for childcare and household responsibilities, and understanding the procedure itself and your recovery timeline may be among the things you are worried about. If you have only a short time (weeks or days) to react, focusing on the essentials is key. Reviewing your estate plan is among those crucial to-do items. Make the best use of your time by considering the following urgent steps.

Who to Call and What to Update

Your Estate Planning Attorney

After notifying loved ones of your impending surgery, your first call to a professional should be to your estate planning attorney. Time is of the essence, and your attorney can quickly triage the documents that provide the most immediate protection for you and your family.

• Review existing documents. Ensure that your estate planning documents, such as a will, trust, and powers of attorney, are up to date and accurately reflect your current assets and wishes. Life changes such as marriage, divorce, the addition of new children or grandchildren, or a new home can quickly make old documents irrelevant.
• Update personal representatives and heirs. Confirm that the executor or personal representative named in your will and the trustee named in your trust are still the people you want managing your affairs. Separately, review beneficiary designations on life insurance, retirement plans, and investment accounts, because those designations typically control the transfer (meaning the beneficiary designation can override what your will or trust says).
• Create (or update) a will or trust. Although it may be difficult to set up a trust or complex will in a limited amount of time, your attorney may be able to quickly update the provisions of an existing trust or will. If you have no will or trust, an attorney can usually prepare a straightforward will on an expedited basis to cover your most significant probate assets (accounts and property without a named beneficiary). One advantage of using a trust is the avoidance of probate (the court process of validating a will and distributing assets); even though a will cannot avoid probate, it does allow you to name the person who will be responsible for administering your estate, specify who your beneficiaries will be and how they will inherit, and, if applicable, allow you to nominate a guardian for minor children.

Your Healthcare Power of Attorney

You should also contact your healthcare agent (the person named in your healthcare power of attorney or advance directive) to notify them of your surgery and the timing.

• Review wishes. Take a few minutes to review your wishes with them, especially any updates on end-of-life care, pain management, and specific interventions (e.g., resuscitation, ventilation, feeding tubes, or transfusions), so they can confidently act as your voice if you cannot communicate.
• Confirm availability. Ensure that your agent will be reachable and ready to respond during your surgery and immediate recovery period. It is also wise to confirm that you have named a backup agent in your estate planning documents in case your primary agent is unavailable.
• Execute a new document if needed. If you do not have a healthcare power of attorney in place, now is the time to get one. This document can usually be completed on short notice.

What Documents to Prioritize

At a minimum, you should ensure the following documents are in place. Together, they protect your medical care and financial well-being if you become temporarily incapacitated (unable to manage your affairs) and help ensure that your plan is carried out if something unexpected happens.

• Living will: States your specific wishes regarding life-sustaining medical treatment (e.g., ventilators, feeding tubes) if you are unable to communicate; in some states or situations, a separate physician-signed order (often called POLST or MOLST) may also be needed
• Healthcare power of attorney: Designates a trusted person (your healthcare agent) to make all medical decisions for you if you are unable to
• Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) authorization form: Gives named people, such as your attorney or loved ones, permission to access medical information and speak with your providers; without this document, your medical care team may be prevented from sharing information due to privacy laws
• Financial power of attorney: Authorizes named people to handle finances on your behalf, including paying bills, managing accounts, accessing records, and filing taxes
• Will: Controls the distribution of probate assets at death and allows you to nominate an executor or personal representative and a guardian for minor children
• Trust: If you have a trust in place, ensure that it reflects your current wishes and is funded (i.e., assets are properly titled in the trust’s name), so that it can function as intended

Short on Time?

If time is extremely limited, prioritize the most urgent step: formally naming the key people who can act for you—your healthcare agent, your financial agent, and (if you have minor children) a guardian. Once those roles are filled, communicate your wishes clearly to each person so they are not left guessing in a high-pressure situation.

In addition, draft a thorough list of your assets (belongings, money, and property), their locations, and any identifying information, which will save time and stress if your loved ones need to step in. Your assets include all your financial accounts, insurance policies, property deeds, safety deposit box locations, and passwords.

Do not overlook planning for digital assets, which may include email accounts, social media profiles, or cryptocurrency, all of which are governed by different policies regarding postdeath access. Documenting login information and instructions for your named agent can prove vital.

Finally, ensure that your loved ones have your attorney’s contact information and know where your original signed estate planning documents are physically located.

While estate planning may be the last thing you want to do before major surgery, taking these urgent steps can give you peace of mind. Knowing that you have prepared for any possible outcome and that your loved ones will not be left to guess your intentions during a difficult time is an incredible gift. We are here to assist you in getting your most important documents in order. 

Beyond the practical purpose of transferring assets and reducing taxes, an estate plan reflects love, responsibility, and values. That emotional heaviness may be part of why many families avoid the subject. Pew Research reports that only about 3 in 10 US adults have created a basic estate plan (a will and a living will or advance directive), and most do not have these documents until their 70s.¹

Pew also found that, while most parents age 65 and older have talked to their adult children about end-of-life preferences, a large percentage still have not.

• Thirty-two percent have not discussed medical decision-making.
• Thirty-four percent have not discussed what to do with belongings.
• Fifty-six percent have not discussed future living arrangements.
• Only 20 percent have made burial or funeral plans.

Parents over age 75 are more likely to have had these discussions, but the overall numbers remain low.

The hesitation is not limited to documents; it extends to conversations as well. Financial advisory firm Edward Jones found that more than one-third of Americans do not plan to discuss wealth transfers.² Although it is important that “the talk” happen before “the transfer,” only 27 percent of adults with children have discussed generational wealth.³

A separate 2025 study found that death and estate planning ranked among the most uncomfortable family topics, trailing only sex and relationships, and on par with life regrets and mental health.⁴

Notably, people think about death far more often than they talk about it: Nearly one in five say they think about their own mortality daily, yet only 17 percent have thought about who will inherit their possessions.⁵ Nearly half say that they do not feel that asking about their inheritance is appropriate.⁶

When people articulate reasons for avoiding planning, the reasons are often mundane:

• Unnecessary: They think planning is unnecessary because they do not have enough assets or anyone to leave them to.
• Procrastination: They have put off planning and just have not gotten around to it.
• Lack of knowledge: They have not created a plan because they do not know where to start and are often intimidated by initiating the planning process.
• Cost: They avoid planning because they think it is too expensive and do not fully understand its value.

Surveys show the same themes year after year.⁷

How to Have “the Talk”: Estate Planning Conversation Starters

Procrastination often masks deeper worries: fear of death or losing independence, privacy concerns, or the sense that an estate plan must be perfect.

A practical estate planning attorney may strive to meet people where they are and start small. Psychologists agree that breaking big tasks into smaller pieces helps people break their decision paralysis⁸ and move from avoidance to action.

Here is one approach to begin the conversation with aging parents about their estate plan.

Choose the Right Moment

Estate planning conversations do not usually belong at holiday dinners, large family gatherings, or moments already charged with emotion. Those settings are fertile ground for miscommunication, defensiveness, or someone feeling ambushed.

Choose a calm, private time, such as an unhurried afternoon, a coffee together, or a quiet walk. The more relaxed the environment, the more naturally the topic can unfold instead of feeling forced.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Approach the topic with curiosity instead of conclusions. Instead of saying, “You need a will,” you might try the following:

• “Have you thought about how you would want things handled if you got sick?”
• “What matters most to you as you think about the future?”
• “Are there things you would want us to know, just in case something happens to you?”

Open-ended questions go beyond mere information gathering. They give your parent room to express preferences, fears, or assumptions and reduce the sense that you are pushing an agenda that benefits only yourself.

Explain the Benefits Without Pressure

Most aging parents understand on some level that estate planning matters. What they may not fully appreciate is the relief it can bring them and their loved ones. Try to frame the conversation around the following benefits (rather than obligations):

• thoughtfully transitioning their legacy
• ensuring that their wishes are honored
• reducing stress and potential sibling conflict
• avoiding court delays, guardianship issues, and other legal complications

By dialing down the pressure and reframing estate planning topics, you can avoid unnecessarily scaring them or imposing burdens on them. You are helping them understand that planning is in their best interests and for the good of the family.

Offer to Help (Not Take Over)

Some parents worry that discussing estate planning means surrendering independence or inviting their children into private financial matters. You can ease that concern by positioning yourself as a facilitator instead of a manager.

Try language such as the following:

• “I’m here to support whatever you decide.”
• “If you want, I can help you organize your important documents or schedule an appointment, but everything is ultimately your call.”
• “We can move at your pace.”

Reassure parents that they maintain full agency. You are simply helping them get from intention to action.

Keeping the Conversation Going

“The talk” needs to be an ongoing, evolving dialogue. A parent who resists today may revisit the topic next month, next year, or after something changes.

You can respect boundaries while keeping the door open. However, the estate planning window does not stay open forever. The time to plan is before a crisis hits. When the need for an estate plan arises, it is often too late to start one.

Here are some ways to gently keep the conversation alive.

Respect Their Boundaries (but Leave Room for Later)

People tend to double down when pressed.⁹ If your parents shut the conversation down, pushing harder can often backfire.

Acknowledge their feelings and signal openness: “We do not have to talk about it now. We can start the conversation whenever you are ready.” Simply giving someone permission to step away can lower the emotional temperature enough for them to return to the topic later.

Start Small with a Low-Stakes Topic

Estate planning can feel overwhelming when framed as one big, heavy decision. Breaking the topic into smaller, more manageable pieces can make it less intimidating and help them see planning as a series of simple routine tasks instead of a single life-altering occurrence.

Healthcare wishes are one of the easiest and most familiar entry points for many people. Asking about the basics, such as preferred doctors, hospital choice, emergency contacts, or who should make medical decisions if they cannot, can naturally lead to broader discussions about powers of attorney, living wills, and other planning documents.

Use Relevant Life Events or News as Gentle Openers

Parents may become more receptive to planning after something—a friend’s or relative’s illness, a sudden hospitalization, or a celebrity estate story in the news—brings the issue closer to home.

Simply asking, “Did you see what happened with . . . ?” can put the topic in context and make it feel less personal and less threatening, creating space for productive conversation.

Introduce a Trusted Third Party When the Time Is Right

Some aging parents open up more easily to a neutral professional than to their own children. A family attorney, financial advisor, accountant, or faith leader can provide perspective without the emotional complexity and years of baggage that can cloud parent-child conversations.

You might say, “If you would rather talk to someone outside the family, I can help set up a meeting” or “Would it help to get a neutral opinion?” These prompts can help keep you in a supportive role without making your parent(s) feel judged or pressured.

When Talk Turns to Action: Practical Estate Planning Steps to Take Next

Once you see the seeds you planted with your parents grow into full-fledged estate planning arrangements, you can initiate follow-up actions that keep their plan accessible, actionable, and up to date.

Store Estate Planning Documents in the Right Places

A complete plan is helpful only if it can be found. Ensure that you and your parents know where their original documents (wills, trusts, powers of attorney, healthcare directives) are located and encourage them to store copies in a secure but accessible place.

Build in multiple redundancies to ensure access. A fireproof safe along with cloud storage provides at least two points of access. Storing documents with their attorney, if offered as an option, is a third. Wherever documents are stored, there must be no questions about where to find them and who has access. The goal is to avoid scavenger hunts during a crisis.

Understand Who Has Authority

Estate planning documents should designate people to make decisions if your parents cannot. It is important to understand who these individuals are and what their roles entail.

Such roles include financial agents under a power of attorney, healthcare proxies, successor trustees, and personal representatives named in a will. If you or a sibling has been named, clarity now can prevent confusion later. If someone outside the family has been appointed, it is equally important to understand how to reach them.

Review Key Financial and Legal Contacts

Encourage your parents to create (or update) a list of the following important types of professionals and institutions connected to their plan:

• their estate planning attorney
• a financial advisor or wealth manager
• insurance agents
• a certified public accountant or tax preparer
• bank and investment account contacts
• pension or retirement plan administrators

A simple one-page contact sheet can save time and stress in an emergency and prevent important information from disappearing into old files or forgotten inboxes.

Encourage Periodic Updates

The bulk of the work is done when a plan is created. But estate planning is not a one-and-done task.

Life changes, laws change, relationships evolve, and assets shift. Encourage your parents to review their documents every few years or after major milestones such as a marriage, a divorce, a birth, a death, a move, or a significant financial change. Even small updates such as changing beneficiaries or replacing an outdated healthcare agent can have a major impact on how smoothly the plan works.

Less Talk, More Action

They have watched you grow up. Now it is your turn to help them age confidently, gracefully, and purposefully.

An estate plan does not come together in a day. It is the culmination of a lifetime and can affect many lives, which is all the more reason to turn thoughts into plans and plans into action.

Whether you need a conversation starter or somebody to seal the deal, we are here to help you and your parents.

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1. Luona Lin & Juliana Menasce Horowitz, Experiences with Estate Planning and Discussing End-of-Life Preferences, Pew Rsch. Ctr. (Nov. 6. 2025), https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2025/11/06/experiences-with-estate-planning-and-discussing-end-of-life-preferences. ↩︎
2. The Great Wealth Transfer Starts with the Great Wealth Talk, Edward Jones Research Finds, Edward Jones (Feb. 27, 2024), https://www.edwardjones.com/us-en/why-edward-jones/news-media/press-releases/great-wealth-transfer-research. ↩︎
3. Id. ↩︎
4. Two-Thirds of Americans Have “Planned” Their Funerals, But Majority Avoid Estate Planning Conversations, StudyFinds (Sept. 23, 2025), https://studyfinds.org/americans-planned-funerals-avoid-estate-conversations. ↩︎
5. Id. ↩︎
6. Id. ↩︎
7. Victoria Lurie, 2025 Wills and Estate Planning Study, Caring (Sept. 17, 2025), https://www.caring.com/resources/wills-survey. ↩︎
8. Samantha Stein, The 3 Ps: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis, Psych. Today (Apr. 30, 2024), https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-the-wild-things-are/202404/the-3-ps-perfectionism-procrastination-and-paralysis. ↩︎
9. Glenn Geher, Why Do People Double Down?, Psych. Today (Jan. 22, 2024), https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/202401/why-do-people-double-down. ↩︎

We all have different ways of giving and receiving love, and those preferences can reveal a great deal about us.

You may be the type who expresses love with words, telling people you care about them or crafting carefully worded messages for someone when they need encouragement. Or maybe you prefer physical affection such as hugging and holding hands to show how you feel. Others express love through gifts: flowers, perfectly chosen birthday presents, or a surprise spa day. For many, love dwells in shared moments or in quiet, selfless acts that make someone else’s life easier.

How we express our love for others and how we prefer to have love shown to us is known as our love language, a term popularized in a self-help book from the 1990s. We may speak one love language when we give love and another when we receive it. Depending on our personality, our expressions of love can be far-reaching and obvious or small and subtle.

Estate planning is a love language all of its own that can communicate care not only through gifts of money and property but also through the act of planning for what will eventually happen to us. It is a way of showing love to the people who depend on us by creating clarity and support so that they are not left guessing or scrambling when we are no longer here.

Where the Term Love Language Comes From

The phrase love language entered the cultural lexicon in 1992 with the publication of The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman.¹ Chapman’s basic idea is simple: People give and receive love in five distinct ways:

• words of affirmation
• quality time
• physical touch
• acts of service
• gifts

His book came at a time when American culture was starting to encourage more emotional transparency and self-expression. It also overlapped with and helped fuel a broader cultural movement toward approachable psychology for ordinary readers, later seen in works such as Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.²

The Estate Planning Paradox: Some Ideas Remain Off-Limits

Over the past three decades, the idea of different love languages has moved far beyond its original relationship-counseling context. It has become shorthand for how we show care, responsibility, and emotional investment in the people who matter most to us—all themes that also fit naturally with estate planning.

However, while self-help, emotional openness, and the love-language framework now seem part of a ubiquitous cultural movement toward emotional fluency, talking about death and estate planning continues to be substantially taboo. Most people still avoid discussing the following topics:

• who will care for them
• how they want to die
• how they want their assets to pass
• family expectations and responsibilities
• long-term care needs
• future burdens placed on their children or partners

Even emotionally fluent individuals and families often avoid end-of-life conversations because they may feel morbid or triggering. A 2025 survey from Pew Research, for example, found that parents and their adult children often avoid talking about topics such as medical decision-making, long-term living arrangements, and future burial plans.³

Another 2025 study revealed that death and estate planning ranked as the second-most-difficult topic to discuss with family.⁴ The same number of respondents (25 percent) rated end-of-life conversations as uncomfortable as discussions about mental health.⁵

We may have become more expressive about our feelings in life but not about what happens after life.

Admitting that you may someday lose your independence clashes with our cultural emphasis on self-determination and autonomy, forcing us to confront a potential loss of control—a situation our culture is uniquely uncomfortable with.

How Each Love Language Shows Up in an Estate Plan

Emotional transparency, it turns out, has its limits. Even though openness is demonstrably higher than it has ever been in our culture, estate planning rates remain frozen in time and, by some measures, are lower than ever.

The irony is that estate planning can communicate care more powerfully than many of the love languages we use each day. Consider how each love language may show up in your estate plan.

Words of Affirmation: Clear, Considerate Communication About Wishes

Estate planning, with its legalese and technical terminology, can seem unapproachable. At the simplest level, though, an estate plan is a set of documents that communicates meaning and intentionality. Words of affirmation result when someone

• talks openly with family members about their values and intentions;
• tries to reduce confusion or hurt by explaining why they made certain decisions; or
• leaves instructions that make loved ones feel respected and remembered.

Estate planning parallel: People want to feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe. Estate planning gives your loved ones the reassurance of knowing exactly what you want and why. It removes ambiguity—the emotional friction that often leads to hurt or conflict—and shows them that they are appreciated and protected.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Letters of intent or ethical wills that express your values, hopes, and motivations
• Explanatory statements in a will or trust that help loved ones understand the why behind your decisions
• Advance directives that clearly communicate your medical preferences

Acts of Service: The Planning Process Itself

It is not a stretch to say that estate planning is an act of service built on performing helpful, thoughtful deeds such as the following:

• handling difficult decisions about your healthcare, incapacity, and end-of-life preferences ahead of time
• protecting vulnerable beneficiaries
• organizing information necessary for estate administration in a simple, followable format

Estate planning parallel: People feel loved when someone reduces their load, especially during moments of stress and uncertainty. A well-designed estate plan quietly shoulders future legal, financial, and emotional burdens so your family does not have to carry them in the hardest moments.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Financial powers of attorney that empower someone to manage your financial affairs
• Healthcare proxies that designate trusted medical decision-makers
• Funeral or disposition instructions that spare your loved ones immediate logistical stress

Gift Giving: The Legacy You Purposefully Design

An estate plan is not merely about money and gifts, but it does involve a strong element of gift giving. In this case, the giver is leaving their most valuable assets and prized possessions to family, friends, and charities, reinforcing relationships and building emotional bonds with tangible items. The love language of gift giving can be seen in

• choosing who receives your most treasured personal items and charitable gifts;
• funding education or setting up long-term support for your children, grandchildren, or other loved ones; and
• ensuring that your assets transfer smoothly through proper titling and designations.

Estate planning parallel: People want to feel remembered and cherished. Planning turns inheritance into meaning and elevates gifts to something more than material transfer. Whether it is money, a family heirloom, or a charitable gift, it communicates “this mattered to me, and so do you.” The way assets pass under a solid estate plan—clearly, legally, and efficiently—is also its own gift.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Specific bequests in a will for sentimental items or family heirlooms
• Charitable gifts or foundations that carry personal meaning
• Life insurance designations crafted to provide financial stability for your loved ones

Quality Time: Planning That Preserves Time, Memory, and Connection

Quality time is about presence and togetherness. Think of moments from your life that have the greatest meaning. They were probably not spent alone; rather, you shared them with others, which is usually why they mean so much. Our time is limited, and how we spend it speaks volumes about what (and whom) we care about. Quality time in an estate plan looks like

• reducing conflict so that your loved ones can grieve and support one another;
• making end-of-life decisions in advance, preventing rushed or painful choices; and
• creating opportunities for future generations to connect (e.g., family trusts with shared purpose).

Estate planning parallel: People want to feel connected and prioritized. A well-organized estate plan gives your loved ones the time and emotional space they need to console, remember, and be together without distraction.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Guardianship designations that provide clarity and protection for children
• Well-structured trusts that minimize disputes and promote harmony
• Probate-avoidance tools (such as beneficiary designations or transfer-on-death arrangements) that simplify administration and free up emotional space

Physical Touch: Security and Protection When You Cannot Physically Be There

Physical contact builds and reinforces emotional bonds. Psychologically, it represents protection, security, and comfort, which most people need to feel loved. When you are physically incapacitated or gone, estate planning can play a deeply symbolic role that reinforces the power of human touch. Even when you are not physically present, estate planning mirrors the love language of physical touch through

• choosing trusted agents who will advocate for you;
• long-term care planning that shields your loved ones from overwhelming caregiving responsibilities; and
• life insurance and other financial protections for the future, which offer a kind of metaphorical embrace.

Estate planning parallel: Planning provides protection at a moment of great vulnerability. Medical directives, care instructions, and trusted decision-makers form a protective boundary around your loved ones, helping them feel safe and grounded and conveying an emotional steadiness they can feel even in your absence.

Documents that speak this love language:

• Medical directives and living wills that ensure that your care aligns with your wishes
• Long-term care instructions that safeguard your loved ones from overwhelming responsibilities
• Trust provisions for disability or incapacity that create a protective framework for ongoing support

Translate Your Love Language into Planning Actions

Dr. Chapman and his work on the five love languages gave us a powerful framework to discuss what can sometimes be hard to put into words. He made emotions more approachable and relationships more manageable in a simplified format that has remained relevant more than 30 years after publication.

Your estate plan can serve the same role by staying relevant long after it is created.

We can help translate the love languages of the people who matter most to you into the language of estate planning with documents that reflect your voice, protect your legacy, and communicate care in a way that your loved ones will feel for years to come.

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1. Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (1992). ↩︎
2. John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (1992). ↩︎
3. Luona Lin & Juliana Menasce Horowitz, Experiences with Estate Planning and Discussing End-of-Life Preferences, Pew Research (Nov. 6, 2025), https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2025/11/06/experiences-with-estate-planning-and-discussing-end-of-life-preferences. ↩︎
4. Two-Thirds of Americans Have ‘Planned’ Their Funerals, But Majority Avoid Estate Planning Conversations, StudyFinds (Sept. 30, 2025), https://studyfinds.org/americans-planned-funerals-avoid-estate-conversations. ↩︎
5. Id. ↩︎

Receiving an inheritance can be a meaningful and transformative experience, but it can also create challenges if not handled thoughtfully. Without a clear plan, an inheritor may struggle to manage newly acquired assets, face creditor or tax issues, or lack the financial experience needed to preserve and grow what was left to them. A well-designed estate plan can help anticipate and mitigate these risks by providing structure, guidance, and protection around inherited wealth. If you have received—or expect to receive—an inheritance, it is essential to create a comprehensive estate plan or update your existing plan to reflect your new circumstances and long-term goals.

An Inheritance Can Shift Your Financial Picture

An inheritance may change the size and makeup of your overall financial picture in a major way, potentially shifting your long-term tax, financial, and estate planning goals. If you inherit rental property, a business interest, or complex investments, your existing estate plan may not address how those assets should be managed and eventually distributed. A sudden increase in wealth could also increase the amount of your taxable estate above the federal estate tax exemption amount, meaning that at your death, your estate may owe estate tax or more tax than it would have without the inheritance. In addition, your inheritance could unintentionally create unequal distributions among your heirs if your estate plan does not account for it.

Ultimately, when you receive an inheritance, it is a good idea to revisit whom you want to benefit from your estate and how you want them to receive their inheritance. For example, your existing plan may already provide for those most important to you, such as children or grandchildren, but you should ensure that the value of what each person receives still aligns with your wishes. With your increase in wealth, you may want to broaden the reach of those you benefit—for instance, by creating or increasing gifts to charity or establishing trusts for other loved ones. Thoughtful provisions in your estate plan can help structure distributions for less experienced beneficiaries and offer greater protection from their creditors, financial missteps, or divorcing spouses.

Preserving Your Family’s Wealth

You may have heard claims that most families lose their wealth within a few generations. Some studies estimate that 70 percent of wealthy families lose their wealth by the second generation, and 90 percent lose it by the third.¹ However, recent research suggests that the picture is more complex: wealth can persist across generations, particularly at the top, but outcomes vary widely depending on family communication, planning, and decision-making processes. Preserving family wealth for the long term requires proactive planning and open conversations. Families often fail to discuss inheritance because money—especially inheritance—can be a taboo topic that touches on emotion, identity, and family dynamics. Older generations may also fear that younger generations will become lazy and entitled if they are made aware of their inheritance too soon, or that their private financial information will be leaked to those who should not have it.

Conversations about inheritance do not have to begin with dollar figures. They can focus first on values and the kind of legacy each generation hopes to leave. Working with a team of trusted professionals to develop shared goals and a proactive plan can help foster an environment of intergenerational trust, understanding, and fairness. This collaboration can be the difference between your collective fortune evaporating within a couple of generations and carrying on an enduring family legacy. Comprehensive estate planning can provide a solid foundation to ensure that assets are managed properly and preserved, rather than dissipated.

Seek Professional Advice

An inheritance can be quickly frittered away, but proper planning can help mitigate this risk. If you have received an inheritance—or expect to receive one in the future—seek out financial and legal advice. Estate plans should evolve as your life does, so revising your plan after receiving an inheritance can help to ensure that your wishes, tax strategy, and family goals remain aligned. Contact us to explore your options for preserving your family’s legacy.

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1. Wade Wallace, CFA, CFP®, RICP®, The Biggest Threats to Multi-Generational Family Wealth, Regency Inv. Advisors (Aug. 1, 2025), https://regencyinvests.com/the-biggest-threats-to-multi-generational-family-wealth. ↩︎