Category: Estate Planning

You may not be able to choose the family you are born into, but you can choose the family you build through marriage, partnership, and the life you create on your own terms. The traditional nuclear family is no longer the default, and biological family ties are no longer always assumed.

Marriage remains its own unique legal institution, with rights and obligations that go far beyond the informal promise of “’til death do us part.” However, it looks very different than it once did—and so do the challenges, particularly when families are blended.

Remarriage offers another chance at love and stability. It also introduces estate planning risks that need to be addressed well before walking down the aisle to say “I do.”

The Modern (Blended) American Family 

Today’s concept of “family” is notable for the absence of a single definition. 

Families are more diverse and less structured than in years past and just as likely to be marked by emotional bonds—cohabitation, co-parenting, and chosen families—as by formal legal ties. 

Research confirms that there is no longer a predominant family form. And while divorce rates remain relatively high, they are closer to 40 percent today—not the widely repeated 50 percent figure based on the peak divorce era of the late 1970s and early 1980s. 

American popular culture introduced the idea of blended families through the television show The Brady Bunch, in which two parents remarried and combined children from prior relationships into a single household. 

When the show first aired in 1969, roughly two-thirds of Americans ages 25 to 49 lived with a spouse and at least one child under 18. By 2021, that figure had dropped to just 37 percent.

Blended families today rarely resemble the Brady household. The category is broad, encompassing any family that includes a stepparent, stepsiblings, or half-siblings, and the structures can vary widely. 

If there is a uniform feature of the modern American family, it is precisely this lack of uniformity.

More than half of US families are now remarried or recoupled in some form. Remarriage after divorce remains the most common path to a blended family, though other types of blended families may form after the birth of a child outside of marriage or following a spouse’s death. 

However families become blended, the US is now a nation in which roughly 17 percent of children under 18 live in a blended family and more than 40 percent of adults have at least one steprelative. 

Rewriting Family and Rewriting Your Estate Plan

Blended families are increasingly the norm, but their normalization does not make their challenges any easier. 

Forming a blended family is rarely as frictionless as The Brady Bunch made it seem. It can take years to build a strong blended family through patience, open communication, and establishing roles and boundaries—and there is no set timeline or formula for success. Each family figures it out in its own way. 

That complexity makes financial and legal planning more important, not less. Marital agreements—prenuptial and postnuptial—may be more useful in blended families than in first-time marriages. While they were once viewed primarily as “divorce insurance,” in the context of a blended family, they function as a foundational estate planning tool, encouraging honest communication about finances and reducing future potential misunderstandings and resentment. 

Some couples may view marital agreements as too extreme or unnecessary. Yet more Americans are using them: The number of couples signing a prenuptial agreement has increased from 3 percent in 2010 to 15 percent in 2022. 

Meanwhile, less than 25 percent of Americans say they have an estate plan. Among those who do, nearly one-quarter have never updated it. 

Remarriages and blended families are rewriting the rules of what it means to be a family. But if estate planning documents are not also rewritten with remarriage in mind, they can introduce legal challenges that rival the personal and emotional ones. 

The “I Do” Danger Zone: Remarriage Estate Planning Pitfalls 

When a family blends, the legal margins for error can become less clearly defined. What may have been a minor oversight in one marriage can become a catastrophic legal battle in a subsequent one. 

Here are some common ways an estate plan—new or old—can become as outdated as the concept of the traditional nuclear family.

Outdated Documents

Outdated beneficiary designations are one of the most frequent and preventable estate planning oversights following a remarriage. In many jurisdictions, assets such as 401(k) plans, individual retirement accounts, and life insurance policies are nonprobate assets, meaning that they pass directly to the person named on the beneficiary designation form, regardless of what your will says. 

If you have not updated your documents since remarrying, you may be leaving a primary wealth source to an ex-spouse—and leaving your current partner and children to fight for a diminished remaining share of your net worth.

Unintended Disinheritance

In many first marriages, a typical strategy is to leave everything to the surviving spouse. But in a blended family, this approach may be a recipe for an unintended disinheritance disaster.

Leaving everything to your new spouse with the verbal understanding that they will take care of your children from a previous marriage is risky. Once those assets transfer, your spouse has no legal obligation to honor that wish. They could remarry, have a falling out with your children, or leave everything to their own biological heirs, effectively cutting your children out of their inheritance.

Even with the best intentions, if your surviving spouse dies before updating their own estate plan, those assets may pass by law to their biological heirs, overriding what you may have both intended.

Asset Commingling

Newlyweds often move quickly to merge their finances, including bank accounts and property titles. However, once a separate asset, such as an inheritance or a home owned before the marriage, is commingled with marital funds, it can lose its protected status. 

Without a documented paper trail or a marital agreement, a family heirloom or the down payment for your child’s future home may be treated as marital property. If the marriage ends or you predecease your spouse, recovering those assets for the originally intended beneficiaries becomes extremely difficult, if not impossible. 

Incapacity Battles

Estate planning is not just about what happens at death. It is also about who speaks for you when you cannot speak for yourself. Medical care and end-of-life decisions are a frequent source of conflict between a new spouse and adult children from a prior relationship.

Without an updated healthcare power of attorney (POA) or advance directive, incapacity can trigger a dispute over decision-making authority between your legal next of kin and your biological next of kin. The result may be costly guardianship litigation, irreparable family rifts, and decisions made by a court rather than the people you actually trusted.

Strategic Solutions for Matching a Modern Family to a Modern Legacy

Couples can spend months or years planning their wedding and not dedicate a single moment to planning their estate. As family structures change, estate plans should change with them. Do not let yours sit in a drawer while your life moves forward—a blended family brings new opportunities and complications that your estate plan needs to reflect. 

Timely Beneficiary Updates

Updating your beneficiaries on retirement accounts and life insurance policies is the quickest win in estate planning, but for blended families, it requires more than simple name-swapping to ensure that these types of assets pass to the right people. 

• Primary versus contingent. You may name your spouse as the primary beneficiary but designate your biological children as equal contingent (backup) beneficiaries.
• Trust as beneficiary. Instead of naming a child directly—which could result in a 19-year-old receiving a massive lump sum—name your revocable living trust so you can control the timing and conditions of the payout.

Trusts to Balance Competing Goals

Trusts can also be an effective planning tool for resolving issues of perceived fairness in a blended family. Using a qualified terminable interest property (QTIP) trust, for example, lets you provide for your spouse without unintentionally disinheriting your children. You can place assets such as the family home into the trust, allowing your surviving spouse to live there or collect income for life. Upon their death, the trust’s terms legally mandate that the remaining assets pass to your biological children, preventing the assets from being redirected to the spouse’s own heirs or their potential future spouse.

Marital Agreements for Added Protection

A prenuptial or postnuptial agreement can take precedence over your will or state laws and give you more control over your assets. 

• Waiving statutory rights. In most states, you cannot legally disinherit a spouse. They are entitled to an elective share (as much as 30–50 percent) of your estate. A marital agreement can legally waive these rights and allow you to leave a family business or a premarital home entirely to your children.
• Defining “separate” property. These agreements serve as the definitive record of what you brought into the marriage, keeping your premarital wealth clearly distinct from marital assets.

Naming an Agent to Avoid Medical Showdowns 

To prevent the incapacity disputes mentioned earlier, your healthcare POA and advance directive must be clear and up to date. You do not want the hospital to guess who is in charge; explicitly name your spouse (or a child) as the primary agent.

If you anticipate tension between your new spouse and adult children, consider naming a neutral third party (such as a professional fiduciary or patient advocate) as a coagent who can help take personal feelings out of your sensitive (and stated) healthcare wishes. 

Planning for the “Day One” Remarriage Audit

The moment you sign the marriage license, your legal status changes in the eyes of the state, and the default state laws may not match your best intentions for how you want your estate passed on. 

Review your entire estate plan—including wills, trusts, beneficiary forms, and powers of attorney—immediately upon remarrying. 

There is also a limited window to finalize marital agreements. Without a marital agreement in place, your new spouse may be legally entitled to a share of your estate, no matter what your estate plan says. A prenuptial or postnuptial agreement is usually the only way a spouse can voluntarily waive these rights. 

Updating your estate plan now, while you are focused on building a shared future, can help protect your new marriage from becoming a legal battle for the next generation. 

Many people first encounter life insurance when they start a full-time job and are offered coverage through their employer’s group plan. It is an easy decision to make—and one that often receives little attention afterward. But as your financial and family circumstances evolve, your coverage is worth revisiting. 

What Is Life Insurance?

In general terms, life insurance is an agreement between you and an insurance company. You pay premiums over time and, in return, after you pass away, the company pays a lump sum of money (death benefit) to the people you choose (beneficiaries). This benefit is designed to help your loved ones cover expenses and replace the financial support you provide. 

When coordinated with your estate plan, the right type of life insurance can provide you with peace of mind and meaningful financial protection for your loved ones if you die unexpectedly. Because there are several types of life insurance available, it is important to understand the primary options and how they differ. 

Types of Life Insurance

• Term life insurance. Term life insurance provides coverage for a specific period (term), such as 10, 20, or 30 years. If you die during the term, the policy pays a death benefit to your beneficiaries. If you outlive the term, the coverage ends, and no benefit is paid. Term life insurance is generally the most affordable type. It is often used to provide financial protection during key years, such as while you are raising a family or paying off a mortgage. 

• Whole life insurance. Whole life insurance covers your entire lifetime, as long as you keep paying the premiums. Premiums are typically higher than term life insurance premiums but are usually designed to remain the same over time. Unlike term insurance, whole life insurance also builds cash value (money that grows inside the policy over the years). In many policies, you can access the cash value through a policy loan or a withdrawal. If you cancel (surrender) the policy, you may receive the remaining cash value after any fees and outstanding loans are deducted. 

• Universal life insurance. Universal life (UL) insurance is a type of permanent life insurance that can last your entire life as long as the policy stays adequately funded. It includes a death benefit and a cash value account that can grow over time. A key feature of UL insurance is flexibility: within certain limits, you may be able to adjust your premium payments and, in some cases, the death benefit. The cash value typically grows based on an interest rate (or other crediting method) set by the insurer and may help cover the policy’s ongoing costs. If the cash value becomes too low or insufficient premiums are paid, the policy can lapse, leaving you without coverage. 

• Variable life insurance. Variable life (VL) insurance is a form of permanent life insurance with a cash value that you invest in options offered by the insurer, typically funds similar to stock or bond mutual funds. Because the cash value is tied to investment performance, it can fluctuate, and poor performance can reduce the cash value and sometimes the death benefit. Some VL policies include a minimum death benefit, but it may depend on meeting certain requirements, such as paying sufficient premiums and limiting loans or withdrawals. Death benefits are generally income tax-exempt for beneficiaries, and cash value growth is typically tax-deferred while it remains in the policy. 

• Variable universal life insurance. Variable universal life (VUL) insurance is a type of permanent life insurance that combines features of both variable and universal life insurance. Depending on the policy, it may offer
  • flexible premiums (within limits),
  • adjustable death benefits (within limits),
  • the ability to choose how the policy’s cash value is invested from options offered by the insurer,
  • the ability to borrow against the cash value, or 
  • the ability to make partial withdrawals.

• Survivorship life insurance. Survivorship life insurance, sometimes called “second-to-die” life insurance, covers two individuals, most often a married couple. Instead of paying a benefit when the first person dies, the policy pays the death benefit only after both have passed away. These policies are often used in estate planning because the need for funds typically arises after both individuals are gone. For example, the death benefit can help cover estate taxes or other expenses, allowing heirs to keep assets, such as a family home, rather than having to sell them. Survivorship policies can be term, whole, universal, or variable, depending on your family’s goals.

Which Type of Insurance Is Best for Me?

With so many options available, choosing the right type of insurance can feel overwhelming. The best choice depends on your stage of life, financial situation, and long-term goals.

For example, a young couple just starting out may choose term insurance as an affordable way to provide financial protection, such as paying off a mortgage or replacing income if one spouse dies.  

A middle-aged professional with a family may consider a longer-term policy or permanent coverage, such as whole life insurance, to ensure a death benefit will be available even if future health changes make new coverage difficult to obtain.

For individuals with significant assets, such as a business or real estate, life insurance can provide liquidity to help fund a buyout or pay estate taxes. In these cases, policies that cover two people, such as survivorship insurance, may be appropriate.

Ultimately, life insurance is not one-size-fits-all. Working with your insurance professional, financial advisor, and estate planning attorney can help you identify your risks and select coverage that aligns with your overall plan. Insurance can be complex, but you do not have to navigate it alone. Reach out to our office today to discuss your options.

Today, many families are scattered across the country, with parents living in one state and children in another. 

Physical distance can introduce logistical hurdles that estate plans are not always built to handle. Even in a geographically clustered family, having a child living across state lines can create significant headaches if that child is named as a decision-maker.

There is no substitute for having a trusted loved one you can rely on when help is needed. But in a crisis, the “how” of your estate plan can become just as important as the “who.” It is not enough to name the right decision-makers. Your plan should also make it clear how quickly they can act, what authority they have, and how easily they can coordinate your care, manage your finances, or protect your household when time matters most. 

The Logistics of Trust 

Naming a child who lives far away as one of your trusted decision-makers may be a good choice on paper. In many instances, however, they should be close to you personally and physically when called upon to act. Even a short delay in carrying out your estate plan can have far-reaching consequences. 

Powers of Attorney

A power of attorney (POA) designates a trusted person (your agent) to make decisions on your behalf when you cannot, whether those decisions are financial or medical. Each type of POA requires its own separate document. Physical distance can affect financial and medical authority in very different ways. When deciding who your agents should be under your financial and medical POAs, consider the following:

• Financial POA. Banking, paying bills, and managing assets are largely digital today. A child in Seattle can manage a parent’s finances in Florida with relative ease. If your most financially savvy child lives in a different state, they can still be an effective primary agent under a financial POA. However, ensure that the out-of-state agent is added to accounts or granted access to view accounts. Doing so allows for a seamless transition, enabling the agent to monitor for fraud or missed bills without having to physically visit a bank branch.
• Medical POA. An agent under a medical POA often needs to be physically present to interface with doctors, oversee daily care, and manage the complex logistics of a hospital discharge or a transition to rehab. In this case, consider naming a primary agent paired with a local backup. You may name your most capable child (regardless of location) as the primary agent, but appoint a local successor or coagent who is authorized to act in immediate emergencies until the primary agent arrives. 

Executor

An executor is the person who settles your estate after you have passed away. Their role is often more hands-on than people expect and may involve securing and distributing real estate, sorting and valuing tangible personal property, and coordinating with local professionals such as attorneys, appraisers, and estate sale companies.

Naming an out-of-state executor can create logistical challenges. The executor may need to coordinate with local professionals, manage property from a distance, and handle court or filing requirements in another state. While related expenses are often reimbursable from the estate, they can still delay administration and increase costs. Some states also impose extra requirements on nonresident executors, adding paperwork and friction to the process. 

If the most qualified executor lives out of state, consider incorporating a local support mechanism, such as a local attorney, a licensed third-party administrator, or another trusted resource to handle on-the-ground logistics such as securing property and coordinating access. The named executor can remain the primary decision-maker while reducing travel, cost, and administrative friction.

The physical process of sorting through a parent’s belongings can be another demanding aspect of the executor’s role, especially from a distance. A local project manager or estate coordinator can provide crucial support by clearing a home, freeing up out-of-state children to focus on priority decisions.

Healthcare and Emergency Planning

Out-of-state children face a specific communication barrier during a health crisis: They cannot physically hand a document to a provider. Assuming they have the authority to act, they may encounter situations that require immediate action.

If a parent is hospitalized and key documents are not immediately available, a child living out of state may struggle to establish authority with providers. Hospitals may require copies of legal documents, not accept unfamiliar forms without review, and default to speaking with individuals who are physically present.

Once authority has been established, distance can still slow communication. Coordinating care decisions, speaking with multiple providers, and staying informed in real time are more difficult when the decision-maker is not on-site during a rapidly evolving situation.

Ensure that all decision-makers have immediate access to signed directives in a secure digital format, along with key provider contact information. Documents should be accessible on a smartphone or through a secure platform so they can be shared without delay.

Where appropriate, consider designating a local contact who can assist with in-person communication and coordination until the primary decision-maker arrives.

Property in Multiple States

Children may not be the only ones spread out among multiple states. Parents may have a vacation home, income-producing property, or other property located outside their home state, which can add yet another layer of logistical complexity to the estate. 

Real estate is governed by the laws of the state where it is located. When someone passes away, their estate typically goes through probate, a court-supervised process for settling debts and transferring assets to heirs. As a result, owning property in another state may require a separate probate proceeding—known as ancillary probate—in addition to the primary probate process in your home state.

An out-of-state executor may have to hire multiple attorneys, pay additional court fees, and manage parallel legal timelines across multiple jurisdictions. What may have been a single process becomes two or more, each with distinct rules, complexities, deadlines, and administrative demands.

Planning ahead can help reduce or avoid such complications. In some cases, structuring ownership through certain planning tools with the help of an estate planning attorney may allow assets to pass outside probate.

When no advance planning is in place, understanding where property is located and coordinating with professionals in those jurisdictions can still help streamline administration.

Practical Tips for Any Distance

The best-laid estate plan can fail if the practical connections are missing. The following high-level strategies can help bridge the gap between your plan and your family’s reality.

• Keep a key contact list. An out-of-state child is unlikely to know who your trusted plumber is or which neighbor has a spare key. Write out a localized guide specific to your home, contacts, and routines. In a moment of urgency, this kind of practical knowledge can be just as valuable as legal authority.
• Review your estate plan after a move. A child who is local today may be across the country next year. Revisit your choice of decision-makers whenever a family member moves. If your local backup relocates, your estate plan may no longer function as intended.
• Initiate a digital “handshake.” In addition to naming primary agents and backups, connect them. If your out-of-state decision-makers and local supports do not already know one another, your plan may stall at the worst possible moment. A simple introduction in advance makes coordination easier for everyone.

Distance Does Not Have to Derail Your Plan

Many estate planning tasks can be performed remotely. But in time-sensitive situations, particularly medical emergencies, physical closeness can matter as much as, or more than, emotional closeness. Certain administrative and on-the-ground tasks are simply more efficient when handled by someone local. 

When your children live in different states, getting them on the same planning page requires a layered approach that bridges the distance and brings everyone together around shared goals. 

There is a famous scene in The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy steps into the magical Land of Oz and is transported from a black-and-white world to a Technicolor one.

The phrase in living color originates from TV and film advertising in the mid-20th century, when black-and-white imagery was standard and color television was a novelty. It represented something more vibrant and lifelike: Viewers were seeing real people rendered in natural color, often for the first time.

What started as a literal description of color TV technology has transformed into a cultural idiom for expressive and authentic portrayal. That shift can also apply to your estate plan, taking it from a purely formal black-and-white documentation process to a more vibrant representation of your life in its varied hues and tones.

There are many ways to add color to your estate plan—ways that help paint a true-to-life picture of who you are within the standard planning canvas.

Estate Planning Can Let You Show Your True Colors

What is the first thing you think of when you hear the term estate planning?

It may be paperwork or attorney meetings mixed with a fair amount of legalese and difficult decisions like who should receive what, who should be in charge, equal versus fair inheritance shares, and end-of-life preferences.

Estate planning does involve all these things, expressed through documents such as wills, trusts, powers of attorney, and advance medical directives. But estate planning is also much more than that. 

Here are several ways you can start to color in your estate plan, moving beyond a black-and-white collection of documents to a more expressive representation of who you are in your many roles as a family member, a friend, a philanthropist, and the artist behind your legacy.

1. Ethical Wills: Adding Subtle Tones to Standard Documents

Estate planning documents are designed to be clear, legally enforceable, and objective. They are written in precise legal language to ensure that your wishes can be carried out as intended. Ethical wills serve a different (although complementary) purpose. They are personal, nonbinding documents that allow you to share your values, experiences, and perspective with your loved ones, in your own words.

How ethical wills work:

• Separate from a legal will or trust and carry no legal force
• Can be written, recorded, or compiled in multiple formats
• May include life lessons, family history, cultural traditions, or personal reflections
• Typically shared with family members during life, but may be included with estate planning documents to be shared at death

How ethical wills add color to an estate plan:

• Explain the values and experiences that shaped your decisions
• Preserve stories and history that do not appear in formal documents
• Humanize distributions that may otherwise feel impersonal or confusing to loved ones
• Give your voice permanence long after you can no longer speak for yourself

While a legal will may control inheritance outcomes, an ethical will provides context, continuity, and connection for your beneficiaries. It does not need to be lengthy or literary. Even a short ethical will, written in your own words, can add warmth, depth, and dimension to an estate plan by helping loved ones understand not just what you decided, but why. You can think of it as mixing standard colors to create a new tone.

2. Philanthropic Passions: Generous Brushstrokes That Build Shape and Texture

Charitable giving can provide financial benefits, including potential tax advantages. But for most people, its purpose runs deeper: It is an expression of identity, gratitude, and personal beliefs. Philanthropy allows your estate plan to reflect what matters to you beyond your immediate loved ones, including the causes you support, the communities you care about, and the values you hope to encourage for future generations.

How philanthropic planning works:

• Often incorporated through bequests in a will or a trust
• May involve charitable trusts, donor-advised funds, or direct gifts
• Can be structured during life, at death, or across generations
• Often coordinated with broader financial and tax planning goals

How philanthropy adds color to an estate plan:

• Translates personal values into lasting impact
• Tells beneficiaries what you stood for, not just what you owned
• Creates a sense of continuity between generations
• Offers a shared purpose that can bring families together

Donations large enough to earn a named building or library wing are beyond most people’s gifting budget. However, even modest charitable provisions can build texture and depth into an estate plan by showing how your values extend beyond the frame of family and finances. They serve as subtle accent colors that draw the eye inward and give a plan dimension.

3. Sentimental Items: Smaller Strokes That Show Personality 

Not everything that matters in an estate plan is measurable in dollars. Personal belongings—jewelry, artwork, letters, heirloom quilts, collections, photo albums, or other meaningful everyday objects—can carry emotional weight that far exceeds their financial value. For example, an old painting that hung above your desk may be coveted by a family member because it reminds them of you, even if it has little financial value. These items help tell stories, reflect relationships, and preserve memories in ways formal documents and financial accounts cannot.

How planning for sentimental items works:

• Items can be addressed through a personal property memorandum or list referenced in estate planning documents
• Instructions may be updated over time without changing core estate documents
• Preferences can account for emotional significance that transcends monetary value
• Conversations with family can strengthen written guidance to avoid misunderstandings

How sentimental items add color to an estate plan:

• Highlight relationships and shared history that numbers cannot capture
• Reduce conflict over sentimental items by clarifying your intentions in advance
• Keep alive family stories attached to specific objects
• Allow meaning to live beside ownership

4. Letters of Intent: Filling in the Fine Details

Whereas an ethical will focuses on values, reflections, and meaning, a letter of intent is practical and instructional. This nonbinding document is designed to guide the people carrying out your estate plan by explaining how certain day-to-day decisions should be implemented. Letters of intent do not change legal outcomes but provide clarity where formal documents must remain intentionally limited and can be especially useful when planning for a beneficiary with special or highly specific needs.

How letters of intent work:

• Supplement a will or a trust without carrying legal force
• Share preferences, routines, and expectations that do not belong in formal documents
• Frequently used to guide executors, trustees, guardians, or caregivers
• Commonly updated as circumstances, needs, or family dynamics change

How letters of intent add color to an estate plan:

• Explain the reasoning behind decisions that may otherwise feel opaque
• Add nuance to instructions that legal documents must keep general
• Help fiduciaries act with confidence instead of guesswork
• Express personal priorities that cannot be reduced to legal language

While an ethical will helps tell your story in broad strokes, a letter of intent sharpens the image by layering in detail and direction. This is the fine brushwork carefully overlaid on the broader composition to ensure that what you intended is not only understood but carried out as you envisioned.

5. Family Conversations: Paint the Full Picture in Words

Even the most thoughtful and vibrant estate plan can appear flat if the people it affects are not part of a bigger discussion that makes the context clear. Family conversations are where your vision becomes visible, giving loved ones insight into your values, priorities, and reasoning before those ideas are filtered through documents, emotions, or assumptions.

How family conversations about your estate plan work:

• Can take place gradually rather than all at once
• Focus on values and intentions, not mere dollar amounts
• Usually include spouses, adult children, fiduciaries, or other key decision-makers
• May coincide with planning milestones or life transitions

How family conversations add color to an estate plan:

• Reveal the motivations behind decisions that may otherwise surprise or confuse loved ones
• Reduce misinterpretation and resentment by setting expectations early
• Help loved ones see your plan as intentional and not arbitrary
• Build trust by sharing perspective as well as intended outcomes

You do not need to present a finished masterpiece to start these conversations. Simply sharing rough sketches, such as what matters to you, what you hope to pass on, and what you want to avoid, can bring the bigger picture into focus. Family conversations are the “director’s cut” of your estate plan: the narrative that allows others to see what went into the production.

6. Incentive Trusts: Guiding the Brush Without Controlling the Hand

Incentive trusts are sometimes misunderstood as tools for control (specifically, “control beyond the grave”). Understood properly, they are tools for guidance that help you shape outcomes by connecting financial support with values you care about (i.e., education, work, service, or responsible stewardship) while still giving beneficiaries room to grow into their own lives and decisions.

How incentive trusts work:

• Distributions are tied to specific milestones or behaviors
• Popular incentives include achievement of certain education, employment, caregiving, or community involvement milestones
• Terms are typically set out in a trust and administered by a trustee
• Flexibility can be built in to account for changing circumstances

How incentive trusts add color to an estate plan:

• Reflect what you value in addition to what you want to fund
• Provide structure without rigid control
• Encourage engagement, purpose, or responsibility
• Signal intention that feels less like judgment

When used with a specific heir and their circumstances in mind, incentive trusts can avoid imposing a single vision of success. Instead, they can offer gentle guidance and direction without prescribing every step. In an estate plan, they function like guiding lines beneath the paint. Those just starting out or struggling can benefit from the underlying structure while having some freedom for personal touches.

7. Living Legacy Projects and Other Ways to Paint an Estate Plan

Every aspect of a legacy does not need to be captured in legal documents or even the nonlegal documents that accompany them. Some of the most meaningful expressions of legacy are created alongside the estate plan rather than inside it. Family legacy projects are a way to preserve stories and experiences that do not neatly fit into formal planning but may matter just as much.

How legacy projects work:

• Created or co-created during life with family members
• May exist in digital, written, audio, or visual formats
• Can be shared informally or referenced in estate planning documents
• Able to evolve over time; do not have to be completed all at once

Examples include recorded video interviews with family members, digital scrapbooks or photo archives for online sharing, illustrated family trees, or “story maps” that trace ancestors’ migration from other parts of the world. Families may also create music playlists, recipe collections, or written reflections that capture traditions, identity, and special everyday moments that pass quietly between major milestones.

How legacy projects add color to an estate plan:

• Incorporate voices, stories, and perspectives that legal documents cannot express
• Create connection across generations that complements asset distributions
• Invite loved ones to participate in shaping the legacy together
• Turn memories into something tangible, shareable, and enduring

Newer tools make this kind of preservation even more accessible. Services such as Remento send prompts to loved ones and record their spoken responses as digital keepsakes while others, such as Storyworth, Meminto, Memorygram, and StoryCorps, offer different ways to capture written stories, audio interviews, and multimedia family histories.

Legacy projects can function like an informational placard placed in front of your finished work or a pamphlet visitors take home. They help explain what others are seeing and make the process feel more inclusive. A legacy project may be the last part of your plan, created after the paperwork is signed and filed, but it could have the greatest emotional impact.

If you are feeling like Dorothy stuck in a black-and-white world, an estate planning lawyer can help you step into Technicolor and express your legacy with your own unmistakable artistic stamp.

Many people have a childhood memory of somebody close to them passing away. Whether the deceased was a parent or grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a family friend, it may have been their first real encounter facing grief or attending a funeral.

That experience may have left a lasting impression, influencing what you want—or do not want—for your own memorial. For many families, traditional services offer comfort and continuity; for others, a conventional funeral may feel disconnected from the life being honored.

In addition to options such as cremation, more Americans are exploring memorial alternatives that include celebrations of life and even living funerals. Whatever your preferences, you may wish to plan for your memorial services well ahead of time.

Death Planning Is Part of Estate Planning

An estate consists of everything you own when you die, including your house, your car, and your personal possessions as well as your bank accounts, investments, and retirement funds.

When you die, certain people (e.g., an executor of your estate or a close relative) can generally exercise rights over your body including its proper disposal. However, you may want to make your wishes known by putting a plan in place. That plan should also include how the arrangements will be paid for.

Without a binding estate plan that instructs people how to handle your remains, their disposition, like the disposition of your assets, is left up to those with authority. That means your spouse, children, parents, or siblings usually decide what to do with your body. They may do what they think is best, but that may be a far cry from what you imagine for yourself.

According to a 2025 survey, two-thirds of Americans have thought through their end-of-life arrangements in detail, including the type of service, its location, and the music to accompany it. Ten percent of them say they have gone as far as determining the “overall mood” they want for the occasion; nearly one in five say they think about their own death at least once per day.¹

But thinking about death and planning for it are two very different things. In the same study, death and estate planning ranked as the second-most-difficult subject to discuss with loved ones. One-quarter called the topic “uncomfortable.”

Talking through death and estate planning, though, may not be nearly as uncomfortable—or as burdensome—as leaving family members to decide how to dispose of your body if you have not decided ahead of time, clearly stated your wishes in a legal document, and set aside money for the arrangements.

The funds to pay for your funeral, burial, or memorial services come out of your estate. These expenses have high priority and are generally paid before most other debts. However, without a plan that includes payment considerations, only “reasonable” costs are typically covered. More detailed or extravagant funeral or celebration-of-life expenses may be reduced or not covered.

Research from Choice Mutual estimates that the average cost in 2026 of a traditional funeral with burial is approximately $8,000–$9,000.² Funeral fees can also quickly expand: Add in $50–$80 per flower arrangement, $2,500–$5,000 for a funeral plot, a few thousand dollars for a grave marker, plus more (e.g., another $150–$600 to release white doves), and costs can quickly move beyond what is likely to be considered “reasonable.”³

A common way to pay for burial and funeral costs is with a life insurance or final expenses policy. Other ways to pay include putting cash in a savings account, prepaying a funeral home for the service, setting up a payable on demand (POD) account, or, as a last resort, selling off assets after death.

But the second-most-popular option, per Choice Mutual’s research (“my family will figure it out”) is revealing.⁴ It shows that people may be thinking about their death and mentally planning their memorials but not formally documenting their wishes in an estate plan. Failing to do so could result in a situation where your loved ones have no plan to follow and no funds set aside for your end-of-life wishes. You may be fine with that and resigned to whatever they choose. But if you want your loved ones to celebrate your life your way, you need to plan ahead and consider professional support long in advance.

Intentional Planning and Traditional Funeral Alternatives

You may not be able to choose how you die. But you have some say in how you are remembered and the legacy you leave. That legacy ends—or depending how you look at it, begins—with your send–off ceremony. More Americans are opting for newer or alternative burial options, which may include more personalized, eco-friendly, and tech-enabled funeral services.

Living Funerals

A living funeral is a memorial or celebration held while the person being honored is still alive.⁵ Rather than focusing on loss, these gatherings center on connection, reflection, and shared memories, with the honoree often present and involved. They can range from formal services with readings and speeches to informal dinners or parties and may be private or open to a broader community. A living funeral does not have to replace final disposition. Burial, cremation, or another method may still occur later and should also be planned.

Why People Choose This Option

• The honoree has an opportunity to hear stories, receive gratitude, and participate directly.
• It creates meaningful memories while time and health allow.
• It shifts the focus from loss to celebration and connection.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• Costs resemble those of any private event and depend on venue, guest count, and food.
• Expenses are incurred during life, with separate costs later for disposition.
• Clear documentation helps ensure that postdeath plans align with expectations.

Celebrations of Life

A celebration of life is typically held after death and differs from a traditional funeral in tone and structure.⁶ The body is usually not present, which allows greater flexibility in timing and location. These events focus on personality, values, and shared experiences and are often held weeks or months later in meaningful settings such as homes, parks, event spaces, or places tied to the deceased person’s hobbies or passions. Some individuals may wish to provide specific directions for such celebrations while they are alive. For example, they may want a particular color scheme, a specialty menu, or a specific memento to be provided as a parting gift to guests.

Why People Choose This Option

• It offers greater flexibility in timing, location, and tone.
• There is an emphasis on storytelling and shared memories.
• It feels more personal and less formal than a traditional service.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• No embalming or viewing is required.
• Costs vary based on venue, catering, and programming.
• Burial or cremation expenses are handled separately.

Cremation with a Flexible Memorial

More Americans are choosing cremation than ever before.⁷ Because cremation may occur shortly after death, memorial services can be planned later without the urgency sometimes associated with burial. Memorials may be held days, weeks, or months later, with cremains present, handled privately, or incorporated into multiple gatherings depending on family needs and geography.

Why People Choose This Option

• It provides flexibility in timing and memorial format.
• There are lower baseline costs compared with traditional burial.
• It is easier to accommodate multiple or delayed gatherings, which may be especially important if loved ones need to arrange travel.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• Cremation typically has lower upfront costs than burial.
• Memorial costs depend on scale, timing, and location.
• Additional costs may include urns, interment, or scattering.

Green or Natural Burial Options

Green or eco-friendly burials focus on reducing environmental impact by avoiding embalming, vaults, and nonbiodegradable materials.⁸ The body is placed in a biodegradable container or shroud and interred in a natural burial ground designed to return remains to the earth. Memorial services may mirror traditional ceremonies or take the form of simple, nature-focused gatherings held on-site or elsewhere.

Why People Choose This Option

• It aligns with their environmental and sustainability values.
• They prefer simplicity and minimal materials.
• They desire a return-to-nature approach.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• Availability varies by region and cemetery.
• Cemetery fees and burial materials affect total cost.
• Advance planning is often required due to limited locations.

Technology-Enabled and Virtual Memorials

Technology-enabled memorials use digital tools to supplement or replace in-person services, including live-streamed or recorded ceremonies, hybrid gatherings, or fully virtual memorials.⁹ These options allow loved ones to participate remotely and are often paired with online planning platforms that let families arrange services and complete paperwork without visiting a funeral home. Direct cremation is frequently offered through online providers, further separating disposition from memorial planning.

Why People Choose This Option

• Distant or travel-limited loved ones are able to participate.
• Timing and format are flexible.
• It reduces logistical pressure during a difficult time.

Logistics and Cost Considerations

• Virtual or hybrid services can reduce venue and travel costs.
• Online direct cremation is often among the least expensive options.
• Reliable setup and clear communication are essential.

Other Alternatives

In addition to the options above, some families are exploring newer approaches that reflect changing values and circumstances:

• Human composting, where legally available, is an environmentally focused disposition option that requires advance planning and coordination.¹⁰
• Private family memorials with a public service later allow close loved ones to grieve first, followed by a larger gathering when emotions are less raw.
• Living or ongoing memorials can take the form of scholarships, charitable funds, tree plantings, or annual gatherings tied to a meaningful cause or activity.

These alternatives may not be right for everyone, but they offer options that may feel more inclusive and authentic to some people than the traditional model for memorial planning.

From Ideation to Action: Tips for Executing Your End-of-Life Plans

Thinking intentionally about your memorial is the first step in a bigger planning picture. Putting your ideas into a form others can follow turns preferences into something practical and meaningful.

Document your memorial wishes. Memorial preferences are most effective when they are written down and easy to find. Depending on how detailed you want to be, your documents may include the following:

• A will, for high-level direction
• A letter of instruction, outlining logistics and preferences
• An ethical or legacy will, explaining the values or meaning behind your choices

Sharing your wishes is just as important as documenting them. Talking through your plans with family members or trusted decision-makers helps set expectations and reduces uncertainty during an already emotional time.

Think about the experience you want to create. You do not need to plan every detail, but considering the overall feel of the event can provide helpful guidance. Your choices may take the following into consideration:

• The desired atmosphere or tone (formal or informal, religious or secular, reflective, celebratory, etc.)
• Venue preferences or meaningful locations
• Music, readings, or activities that reflect your personality or beliefs

Add personal touches if they matter to you. Small details can make a service feel more personal without adding complexity. For example:

• Memory boards or photo slideshows
• Message jars with notes from attendees that can be given to surviving loved ones as a source of comfort or symbolic as words of farewell
• Meaningful food or drink choices
• Simple favors tied to your hobbies, interests, or favorite things

Consider professional support where it adds clarity and follow-through. Planning a memorial commonly involves more than one type of expertise. Depending on the complexity of your wishes, the following helpful professionals may be involved:

• Funeral directors, who can explain disposition options, coordinate services, and outline cost considerations
• Celebrants or officiants, especially for religious or highly personalized services
• Event planners, for larger celebrations or nontraditional venues
• Estate planning attorneys, who can help document memorial wishes appropriately, coordinate them with the rest of your estate plan, and ensure that instructions are legally consistent and easy to follow

Have a plan to pay for it. Deciding how it will be funded is just as important as deciding what you want. Memorial and funeral costs are typically paid from your estate and typically come due quickly. Planning ahead can reduce financial stress and timing issues for your loved ones.

• Set aside funds in a dedicated savings account.
• Use a life insurance or final expense policy.
• Prepay certain services in advance.
• Coordinate beneficiary or POD designations to ensure that funds are accessible.

We need to be just as practical about our deaths as we are about our lives. Combining your payment plan with your memorial wishes helps ensure that cost does not become a barrier to carrying out your intentions, whatever they are.

Your choices about how you are remembered may fall squarely within the traditional or fall outside what is considered normal. But it is your life, and you may wish to ensure that it is memorialized and celebrated your way.

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1. Two-Thirds of Americans Have “Planned” Their Funerals, But Majority Avoid Estate Planning Conversations, StudyFinds (Sept. 30, 2025), https://studyfinds.org/americans-planned-funerals-avoid-estate-conversations. ↩︎
2. Anthony Martin, How Much Does A Funeral Cost?, Choice Mutual (July 22, 2025), https://choicemutual.com/blog/funeral-cost. ↩︎
3. Id. ↩︎
4. Anthony Martin, 2025 Survey Results: How Technology Is Reshaping Funeral Preferences, Choice Mutual (June 13, 2025), https://choicemutual.com/blog/funeral-preferences. ↩︎
5. Jeanne Sager, What Is a Living Funeral? A New Perspective on Celebrating Life, Care.com (Dec. 8, 2025), https://www.care.com/c/what-is-a-living-funeral-celebration-of-life. ↩︎
6. What Is a Celebration of Life?, Mem’l Plan., https://www.memorialplanning.com/resources/funerals/what-is-a-celebration-of-life (last visited Feb. 24, 2026). ↩︎
7. Americans Choosing Cremation at Historic Rates, NFDA Report Finds, NFDA (Sept. 18, 2025), https://nfda.org/news/media-center/nfda-news-releases/id/9772/americans-choosing-cremation-at-historic-rates-nfda-report-finds. ↩︎
8. What Are the Different Types of Eco-Friendly Burials?, Return Home, https://returnhome.com/what-are-the-different-types-of-eco-friendly-burials (last visited Feb. 24, 2026). ↩︎
9. Sare Marsden-Ille, Death Care Disrupted: How Cremation and Tech Are Changing the Funeral Industry, USFuneralsOnline (Nov. 15, 2024), https://www.us-funerals.com/death-care-disrupted-how-cremation-and-tech-are-changing-the-funeral-industry. ↩︎
10. Sarah Vallie, What Is Human Composting?, WebMD (Jan. 5, 2023), https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-human-composting. ↩︎

You have probably heard of the gender pay gap. But there is also another common disparity: the estate planning gender gap.

Although the two are interrelated to some extent—earning less than men puts women on an unequal path to investment and retirement savings, and women generally spend more than men on healthcare in retirement—the specific reasons behind the gap in estate planning deserve their own consideration.

The overall rate of estate planning in the United States is low, with less than one-quarter of Americans having a basic will.¹ Within those already low numbers, men are more likely than women to have formal estate plans. This disparity is due not simply to differences in income or asset levels but also to timing, priorities, and the roles men and women tend to occupy over the course of their lives.

Closing the estate planning gap may be addressed at an individual level through education, conversations, and professional guidance.

From the Pay Gap to the Planning Gap

The gender pay gap—the average difference in earnings between women and men—shows that women typically earn less than their male counterparts for similar full-time work. While the gap has narrowed over time and varies across groups and locations, it has persisted for decades.

At the same time, women generally need larger nest eggs than men due to having a longer life expectancy (81 years for women versus 76 years for men).² Living longer can also result in higher healthcare costs in retirement. Retirement healthcare cost estimates are $150,000 for men and $165,000 for women.³

Yet women are less likely than men to have an estate plan—a gap that can magnify the financial risks created by gender disparities in earnings, savings, and longevity.

Strategies for Proactive Planning

Closing the gender gap in estate planning is about more than just drafting documents; it is about ensuring that your financial legal structure is as resilient as your life demands. Here is how to take command of the process.

Prioritize literacy over technicalities. Estate planning is often shrouded in highly technical legal language that can serve as a barrier to entry. Focus first on foundational concepts: how a trust protects privacy, how powers of attorney ensure continuity of care, and why healthcare directives are essential for maintaining autonomy.

Align your estate plan with your values. For many women, wealth management is a tool for stability. Form your estate plan as a protection strategy rather than just a transfer of assets. By focusing on preserving independence and reducing the burden on loved ones during times of uncertainty, the planning process becomes a proactive extension of your existing responsibilities.

Initiate conversations early. Do not put off having conversations with partners and beneficiaries to clarify decision-making roles and values. Treating these discussions as business meetings for the family removes the emotional weight and ensures that your intentions are documented long before they are needed.

Demand transparency and clarity. Estate planning can sometimes feel abstract. Insist on clear projections, such as charts or summaries that outline exactly who makes decisions under specific circumstances. If a professional cannot explain a strategy in clear, actionable terms, they are not the right partner for your goals.

Adopt an iterative approach. An estate plan is a living document, not a static event. Given that women often navigate complex career paths and caregiving roles, your plan should be reviewed every three to five years. Start with the essentials, such as naming healthcare decision-makers or organizing key documents, and introduce more complex trust or tax strategies as your assets and life circumstances evolve.

Partner with professionals who value your perspective. Estate planning should feel open and collaborative. Seek out financial and legal professionals who practice active listening and respect your goals and concerns. A good advisor should act as a collaborator, translating legal and financial complexity into strategic choices that reflect your reality.

If you are ready to talk about savings, retirement, and wealth management in a way that reflects the modern realities of women, reach out to us to start the conversation.

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1. Danika Miller, Worst States in Which to Die Without a Will in 2025, Caring (Feb. 11, 2025), https://www.caring.com/resources/worst-states-to-die-without-a-will-2025. ↩︎
2. CDC: Life Expectancy Up, Mortality Down in 2023, Am. Hosp. Ass’n (Dec. 19, 2024), https://www.aha.org/news/headline/2024-12-19-cdc-life-expectancy-mortality-down-2023. ↩︎
3. Javier Simon, You’ll Need Way More Money Than You Think for Health Care Costs in Retirement, Money (May 16, 2022), https://money.com/healthcare-costs-retirement-fidelity-study-2022. ↩︎

Noncitizen spouses are treated differently than US citizen spouses for estate and gift tax purposes.¹

They do not get the unlimited marital deduction. Married US citizen spouses can generally transfer unlimited amounts of money between each other during life or upon death in various qualifying ways without any gift or estate tax concerns. This unlimited marital deduction delays any estate taxes until after the survivor dies. However, lifetime gifts to a noncitizen spouse and inheritance upon a citizen spouse’s death for a surviving noncitizen spouse are not eligible for the unlimited marital deduction.

Instead, a US citizen spouse should set up a qualified domestic trust (QDOT), which gives their noncitizen spouse the benefit of the unlimited marital deduction while ensuring that any taxes due will be paid after the noncitizen spouse passes away. There are special rules governing QDOTs. For example, the noncitizen spouse must generally be the trust’s sole beneficiary while alive, and there must be a US trustee. The noncitizen spouse generally receives all the income that the trust property generates during the remainder of the survivor’s lifetime, but generally cannot receive principal without incurring an estate tax penalty.

Jointly owned property is treated differently. If a married couple jointly owns a home, it is generally assumed to belong to both spouses equally when both are US citizens, with each spouse owning a 50 percent share of the home. Therefore, when either spouse dies, only 50 percent of the value of the shared asset is included in the deceased spouse’s estate for estate tax purposes. However, if one spouse is a noncitizen, this presumption may not apply. For example, if the US citizen spouse dies first and the jointly owned home is worth $200,000, the entire $200,000—instead of $100,000—will be included in the deceased spouse’s taxable estate unless the noncitizen spouse proves they have contributed a certain amount toward the home.

There is no unlimited gifting. Generally, US citizen spouses can make unlimited gifts to each other during life without having to pay the federal gift tax, as long as the gifts qualify for the unlimited marital deduction. However, if a US citizen spouse makes a gift to their noncitizen spouse that exceeds the annual limit ($194,000 for 2026), the gifting citizen spouse may need to either use a portion of their lifetime exemption to cover the amount in excess or incur a gift tax liability.

Remember state estate and inheritance taxes. Depending on where a couple lives, state estate or inheritance taxes may apply even if no federal tax is due, because the thresholds for state estate taxes may be lower than the threshold for federal estate taxes.

Contact Us

Regardless of the citizenship status of your family members or loved ones, it is crucial to create a well-thought-out estate plan to provide for them in the way you intend and to minimize your potential tax liability. Contact us today to design an estate plan that addresses your unique circumstances and needs.

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1. This has nothing to do with immigration status. ↩︎

Personal items accumulated over our lifetimes may be left in estate planning limbo when we pass away. You may have kept many personal effects and everyday items more for sentimental reasons than for financial value, such as your clothing, jewelry, books, quilts, collectibles, and religious items.

Each item we leave behind tells part of the story of who we were and what we valued, a subtle sign of meaning that, after we pass, serves as a powerful reminder of person, place, and purpose.

While your estate plan may describe in detail who will receive big-ticket items, your loved ones may argue over small nostalgic items that you unintentionally omitted. To prevent family strife and forestall bickering among your loved ones, you also need to think in a big-picture way about the little things in your estate.

Small Items Can Cause Outsized Conflicts

The fate of your home and vacation property is likely to be outlined in your estate plan. You have probably selected beneficiaries for your retirement account and life insurance policies; chosen a future owner for your valuable collection of first-edition books; divided up your business interests; and planned for your digital assets.

Your estate plan checks all the major boxes. But is there a check mark next to those sentimental items?

Many people assume—wrongly, it turns out—that money is the top issue that triggers fights among heirs. In fact, personal items are five times more likely than money to create family conflict, according to a study from Allianz Life Insurance that examined inheritance and legacy issues.¹

Families may go to court over something as seemingly insignificant as a handwritten recipe book or a piece of art.² In some cases, people end up inheriting enough financial assets to replace the disputed sentimental item many times over, yet spend exorbitant sums fighting over the original item for sentimental reasons.

In 2014, comedian and actor Robin Williams left behind an estate valued at around $100 million.³ Following his death, his three children and widow entered a bitter feud over Williams’ personal items, including family photographs, clothing, and a bicycle.⁴

On their own, these items may not have much financial value, yet small personal belongings can still cause the most contention because they often represent the greatest emotional tie to the deceased.

How to Avoid Family Fights Over Small Personal Effects

Estate planning attorneys can cite example after example of such conflicts happening with their clients, regardless of their wealth. With emotions running high after a loved one’s death, grieving loved ones may be willing to pay any price, financial or otherwise, to obtain sentimental items.

Take Time to Pause and Reflect After a Loved One’s Death

For anyone caught up in a family dispute (or attempting to avoid one) about the fate of a favorite wristwatch, sewing kit, or piece of artwork, it is okay to pause before distributing personal items.

As long as there is no rush to clear out the house for sale or for someone else to move in, items can generally remain where they are. Think of it as a museum with everything left as it was at the time of your loved one’s passing.

Depending on the instructions left in the estate plan, one option is for loved ones to walk around the “museum” and, as they reminisce, identify items they would like to keep and box everything up. If all the heirs are unable to meet in person for this exercise due to distance or scheduling constraints, the executor could host a virtual meeting to bring everyone together and keep them on the same page.

Start the Process During Your Lifetime

This process can be a conversation starter, but ideally, the conversation starts during the owner’s lifetime, when heads are cooler and emotions are less intense.

Start with a simple direct question for your loved ones: Is there anything of mine that you want?

There may also be items of special importance to you that youwant passed down in particular ways. Ensure that these things are also part of the conversation.

Create an Inventory

The person(s) responsible for winding up the decedent’s affairs will create an inventory of most assets, but there is no reason it cannot be done during the owner’s life.

Inventorying could be part of “Swedish death cleaning”⁵ or a similar predeath decluttering ritual. Everything that does not get thrown out or donated while you are alive can be added to the list, simplifying the inventory for heirs and removing some of the guesswork.

In fact, the best time to create an inventory may be now, while you are alive. Waiting until later means that the executor or personal representative and family members will be responsible for inventorying, a process that could be unclear and contentious.

After your death, the inventory can be updated to reflect the distribution plan for specific assets. For example, items could be designated in a spreadsheet as “donate,” “throw away,” or “Aunt Cathy claimed.” The real harm could come from what does not make it onto the list and falls into a gray area.

Choose Someone to Manage Distribution

Having one person oversee inventorying and distribution is another way to simplify what could otherwise be a complex, messy, conflict-prone situation—and still could be, despite efforts to avoid it.

Usually, the executor is responsible for the inventory and distribution of assets, but other solutions are possible. Depending on family dynamics, a separate “master of ceremonies” could be a better fit for this role. Consider somebody with a level head, a sense of fairness, and a degree of separation from any family rifts.

Once again, this process does not have to wait until after your death. It could be you (the original owner) who oversees a creative solution to the keepsake conundrum.

Make It a Game

It may take months or years for your loved ones to get over the immediate emotional sting of your passing. But there are ways to make the division process a more positive experience for all involved—yourself included. Consider implementing strategies to divide assets during your lifetime so you can witness the recipients’ enjoyment, or else specify procedures for dividing sentimental assets after your death.

• Round-robin or turn-based selection process. Have heirs take turns selecting items one by one to help level the “who gets what” playing field and avoid first-come, first-served chaos.
• Shared digital or photobook keepsakes. Scan old photos, letters, recipe cards, greeting cards, or documents, and compile them into shared digital albums or printed memory books. That way, everyone gets access to the memories, not just the person with the original.
• Family “auction” using tokens or play money. Give each family member an equal amount of fake money or tokens to “bid” on the items they care about most. This method turns what could be an emotionally charged process into a structured and even lighthearted activity.
• Use colored stickers or tags to express interest. Have each heir pick a different color sticker or tag, then let everyone mark items they would like. Items with only one sticker will go to that person; items with multiple claims go to a separate discussion, negotiation, or another selection round.
• Rotation or “time-share” of heirlooms and high-sentiment items. For items that multiple people value (e.g., holiday dishes, heirloom decorations, seasonal heirlooms), consider rotating who keeps them each year, sharing the memories across the family.

Write a Personal Property Memorandum

Conflicts over items from the residuary, or residual, estate typically arise due to a lack of planning. “Residual” is an appropriate term here because it can create a sticky, hard-to-remove situation when beneficiaries are not clearly linked to specific items.

An inventory, no matter how thorough, or a game, no matter how fun, may not carry the legal weight of a formal personal property memorandum. And that can cause every other effort to distribute personal items, no matter how thoughtful, to fall short.

A personal property memorandum is a simple document that works alongside your will and lets you specify who should receive certain personal belongings, but it is subject to different rules in different states. In many states, when your will references it, the memorandum is usually recognized as a legally binding guide. Because it is separate from the will, you can update it as often as needed without revising your entire estate plan.

This memorandum works hand in hand with your will’s residuary clause, which directs where everything else goes after specific gifts have been handled.

If no memorandum exists, the residuary clause controls the distribution of all personal effects, including sentimental items. In some families, that works fine; in others, it leaves too much up to chance.

Avoid Vague Language

By creating a personal property memorandum or by being intentional about how your residuary clause is drafted, you can give your loved ones unambiguous written guidance governing sentimental items.

Memoranda and similar clauses, if added to an estate plan, should clearly delineate specific valuable items, especially in blended families or already conflicted families, to avoid costly disputes over sentimental or valuable personal property.

Plan Now to Avoid Pain Later

It is not always obvious which items hold the most personal importance to someone. The cheapest tchotchke could send us—or a loved one—down memory lane.

It is your stuff and ultimately your responsibility to decide its fate. That responsibility can be handed off and delayed, possibly at great cost to your family and legacy. Take steps now to save your heirs heartache later. Start inventorying and planning today.

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1. The Allianz American Legacies Pulse Survey at p. 8, Allianzlife, https://www.allianzlife.com/-/media/files/allianz/documents/ent_1371_n.pdf. ↩︎
2. Travis Campbell, “8 Family Heirlooms That Sparked Legal Battles Across Generations,” AOL (Jul. 30, 2025), https://www.aol.com/lifestyle/8-family-heirlooms-sparked-legal-143036679.html; see also How to Spare Your Heirs a Battle Over Your Estate, Consumer Reports (April 2014), https://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2014/04/avoid-family-estate-battle-after-you-die/index.htm. ↩︎
3. Joy Reid, Robin Williams’ Widow and Children Agree to Settlement of His Estate, VanityFair (Oct. 3, 2015), https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2015/10/robin-williams-widow-children-settlement. ↩︎
4. Id. ↩︎
5. Mariah Thomas, What Is Swedish Death Cleaning? How the Method Can Help You Declutter, GoodHousekeeping (May 10, 2023), https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/organizing/a43826147/swedish-death-cleaning. ↩︎

Receiving news that you need major surgery is never easy. Preparing for work absences, planning for childcare and household responsibilities, and understanding the procedure itself and your recovery timeline may be among the things you are worried about. If you have only a short time (weeks or days) to react, focusing on the essentials is key. Reviewing your estate plan is among those crucial to-do items. Make the best use of your time by considering the following urgent steps.

Who to Call and What to Update

Your Estate Planning Attorney

After notifying loved ones of your impending surgery, your first call to a professional should be to your estate planning attorney. Time is of the essence, and your attorney can quickly triage the documents that provide the most immediate protection for you and your family.

• Review existing documents. Ensure that your estate planning documents, such as a will, trust, and powers of attorney, are up to date and accurately reflect your current assets and wishes. Life changes such as marriage, divorce, the addition of new children or grandchildren, or a new home can quickly make old documents irrelevant.
• Update personal representatives and heirs. Confirm that the executor or personal representative named in your will and the trustee named in your trust are still the people you want managing your affairs. Separately, review beneficiary designations on life insurance, retirement plans, and investment accounts, because those designations typically control the transfer (meaning the beneficiary designation can override what your will or trust says).
• Create (or update) a will or trust. Although it may be difficult to set up a trust or complex will in a limited amount of time, your attorney may be able to quickly update the provisions of an existing trust or will. If you have no will or trust, an attorney can usually prepare a straightforward will on an expedited basis to cover your most significant probate assets (accounts and property without a named beneficiary). One advantage of using a trust is the avoidance of probate (the court process of validating a will and distributing assets); even though a will cannot avoid probate, it does allow you to name the person who will be responsible for administering your estate, specify who your beneficiaries will be and how they will inherit, and, if applicable, allow you to nominate a guardian for minor children.

Your Healthcare Power of Attorney

You should also contact your healthcare agent (the person named in your healthcare power of attorney or advance directive) to notify them of your surgery and the timing.

• Review wishes. Take a few minutes to review your wishes with them, especially any updates on end-of-life care, pain management, and specific interventions (e.g., resuscitation, ventilation, feeding tubes, or transfusions), so they can confidently act as your voice if you cannot communicate.
• Confirm availability. Ensure that your agent will be reachable and ready to respond during your surgery and immediate recovery period. It is also wise to confirm that you have named a backup agent in your estate planning documents in case your primary agent is unavailable.
• Execute a new document if needed. If you do not have a healthcare power of attorney in place, now is the time to get one. This document can usually be completed on short notice.

What Documents to Prioritize

At a minimum, you should ensure the following documents are in place. Together, they protect your medical care and financial well-being if you become temporarily incapacitated (unable to manage your affairs) and help ensure that your plan is carried out if something unexpected happens.

• Living will: States your specific wishes regarding life-sustaining medical treatment (e.g., ventilators, feeding tubes) if you are unable to communicate; in some states or situations, a separate physician-signed order (often called POLST or MOLST) may also be needed
• Healthcare power of attorney: Designates a trusted person (your healthcare agent) to make all medical decisions for you if you are unable to
• Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) authorization form: Gives named people, such as your attorney or loved ones, permission to access medical information and speak with your providers; without this document, your medical care team may be prevented from sharing information due to privacy laws
• Financial power of attorney: Authorizes named people to handle finances on your behalf, including paying bills, managing accounts, accessing records, and filing taxes
• Will: Controls the distribution of probate assets at death and allows you to nominate an executor or personal representative and a guardian for minor children
• Trust: If you have a trust in place, ensure that it reflects your current wishes and is funded (i.e., assets are properly titled in the trust’s name), so that it can function as intended

Short on Time?

If time is extremely limited, prioritize the most urgent step: formally naming the key people who can act for you—your healthcare agent, your financial agent, and (if you have minor children) a guardian. Once those roles are filled, communicate your wishes clearly to each person so they are not left guessing in a high-pressure situation.

In addition, draft a thorough list of your assets (belongings, money, and property), their locations, and any identifying information, which will save time and stress if your loved ones need to step in. Your assets include all your financial accounts, insurance policies, property deeds, safety deposit box locations, and passwords.

Do not overlook planning for digital assets, which may include email accounts, social media profiles, or cryptocurrency, all of which are governed by different policies regarding postdeath access. Documenting login information and instructions for your named agent can prove vital.

Finally, ensure that your loved ones have your attorney’s contact information and know where your original signed estate planning documents are physically located.

While estate planning may be the last thing you want to do before major surgery, taking these urgent steps can give you peace of mind. Knowing that you have prepared for any possible outcome and that your loved ones will not be left to guess your intentions during a difficult time is an incredible gift. We are here to assist you in getting your most important documents in order.